Family Tree

A little girl asked her father,
"How did the human race start?"
The father answered,
"God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

Not Working

Came home from the golf course today. The wife had left a note on the refrigerator:

"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my mother."

Jewish Collection

The Doctor gave a man six months to live.
The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

Answering Machine Message

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.

Saint Patrick Special Edition

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow.

”Ooh”, said the presenter. “This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers, taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”

The Legend of the Jewish Samurai

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

New Study

A new study has found that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it.

Queenly Advice

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.

Power Outage

We had an outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf

Political Logic

Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it!"

Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this) Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

The Mightiest

A lion woke up one morning feeling very rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Welcome Welcome Home: A Lullaby for Tonia

This is a song I wrote when my neighbor, Tita Antonia, passed away. The morning after her stroke, I woke up with the melody and the beginning words of the song. My wife thought I was talking in my sleep. I jotted it down in a piece of paper and later that day I put the whole song down. My wife and daughter helped me fine tune the words and the phrasing.

Between 5 and 6

A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
He seemed irritated when I answered: "kindergarten."

Naughty Boy in Church

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.


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