Saint Patrick Special Edition

Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow.

”Ooh”, said the presenter. “This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers, taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”

The Legend of the Jewish Samurai

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

New Study

A new study has found that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it.

Queenly Advice

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.

Power Outage

We had an outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf

Political Logic

Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it!"

Winter Boots

(Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this) Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her pupils put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why.

The Mightiest

A lion woke up one morning feeling very rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Welcome Welcome Home: A Lullaby for Tonia



This is a song I wrote when my neighbor, Tita Antonia, passed away. The morning after her stroke, I woke up with the melody and the beginning words of the song. My wife thought I was talking in my sleep. I jotted it down in a piece of paper and later that day I put the whole song down. My wife and daughter helped me fine tune the words and the phrasing.

Between 5 and 6

A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
He seemed irritated when I answered: "kindergarten."

Naughty Boy in Church

One Sunday in a Midwest city a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.

Disco King

Husband takes the wife to a disco there's a guy on the dance floor living it large --- break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

True Friendship

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him, while his friend just watches and listens to her.

Christmas Love Story

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed. As the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. She became so worried that she called him on her cell phone to ask him where he was.

Bad Memory

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