Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 09/19/2015 - 01:39
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 09/05/2015 - 11:31
Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 08/14/2015 - 17:08
A funeral procession pulled into a cemetery. Several carloads of family members followed a black truck towing a boat with a coffin in it.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 07/17/2015 - 13:56
I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 06/19/2015 - 17:00
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV."
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 05/29/2015 - 17:05
A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 04/17/2015 - 15:09
Jerry decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Mon, 04/06/2015 - 15:10
The nicest thing about the future is ...
that it always starts tomorrow.
Money will buy a fine dog ...
but only kindness will make him wag his tail..
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 03/27/2015 - 18:23
A Rabbi, a Hindu Priest and an attorney were traveling together. Unfortunately, in the middle of the night, their car broke down and they were stuck.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 03/20/2015 - 15:26
A tough old cowboy from Montana counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 03/07/2015 - 01:55
Because I care about you, I want you to get checked outto make sure you're healthy and will be around longer!
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 02/14/2015 - 07:46
None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You’re driving me insane, Tyrone!"
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 13:49
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been torture.
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 16:36
A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters!"
Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 01/23/2015 - 13:59
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
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