Dear Sig

Heather Kobler


Dear Heather,

After my husband passed away, I’ve felt so alone. No one to share my day with anymore. What would you recommend to deal with this terrible loneliness?

A Recent Widow

 

Dear Recent Widow,

I have been a widow for almost six years and have written many letters to my husband since his death in December 2006.  I find writing him gives me much comfort and I would like share some of these letters with readers. It’s like writing a diary only better. Who knows? When you preserve your thoughts and feelings, it may benefit people who come after you. The Diary of Anne Frank was never meant to be published but look at how her diary impacted the world.

Here is a sample of one of my letters to Sig:

January 8, 2011

My darling Sig:

I had an epiphany yesterday when I realized that no man will ever see me as the most beautiful woman in the world, or tell me how much he loved looking at my face like you did.  I will surely miss this for the rest of my life.  It was a bittersweet moment for me, but a necessary one as I need to accept this in the process of my going on without you.

You always said the most beautiful things to me, (and sometimes not so nice), but our admiration always shined through in all of our conversations.  We filled each other up and definitely had a mutual admiration thing going on.  I wish more couples understood the importance of that.  It costs nothing to mention something you really admire about your significant other and those statements become your “Soul Food,” and I am coasting along because of all those “love arrows” you sent for decades.

Couples need to keep falling in love all over again and again.  Admiring someone and sharing your positive thoughts with them is one of the best ways to validate anyone you love or care about.  I am so grateful that I have the capacity to love so many wonderful people.  I always have, and I always will.  It helped to watch my parents love and care for us and each other.  They were like a pair of eagles.   They mated for life and showed me and my siblings the way it should be when you love and respect others.

Throughout the day, things happen that I want to tell you about.  And then, I remember you’re gone.  I wonder, who can I tell if I can’t tell you?  That is the dilemma for me.  Fortunately, I can keep on playing all the memories we made together.  I know that I was better with you than I am without you.  But I keep on plugging away and I love seeing your picture first thing in the morning and the last thing at night.  You don’t have to be here for me to love you for the rest of my life.  And… once again, “I’ll see you in my dreams.”

 

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