Heather Kobler

Dear Heather:

I am so ashamed to even be writing this letter, but I have to do something soon because I am suffering and guilt-ridden.  I am married to the most wonderful woman in the world.  I have a great job, the ideal family, a son and daughter, and we live in a wonderful home.   I have a job that requires me to travel several times a year.  

Recently, I went away on a business trip and on the last night in town, several people who attended the conference went to a local restaurant for dinner and drinks.  One by one the others left until it was myself and a woman I never met before.  We both drank too much and I made the stupidest mistake a man can make.  I landed up in her room and you can figure out the rest of the story for yourself.

She was gone in the morning when I woke up.  I can’t even remember her name and I bet she feels the same.   I found evidence that I used protection, but I fear that I have put both my wife and myself in medical jeopardy.  I am afraid to be intimate with my wife, but I think that if I tell her what happened I will lose her and my family forever.   I don’t know what to do and I am afraid to discuss this with any of my friends for obvious reasons.  Can you help me?


Dear Reader:

To say, “You’ve shot yourself in the foot,” is an under estimate!  When alcohol and drugs get into the mix your values can fly out the window and recovering from this will not be easy.  You are going to have to decide whether to confess what happened or hide the facts for the rest of your life.  Before you do anything, you must get tested for STD’s immediately.  You have choices to make for yourself.  Once you know your test results, you can decide to “tell all” and pray for her forgiveness and understanding, or forgive yourself and go on as if nothing happened.

The question to ask yourself is this: “How would I react if my wife came to me with this information?”  Monogamy is a gift to the marriage and most couples still subscribe to this practice.  In this day and age, stepping outside of your relationship for a sexual experience can be one of the most dangerous things a person can do.   It’s your choice now, and I hope you make the right one.  You may need to consult with a therapist to work this situation out.

Good luck.

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