Stress Relief

Just in case you are having a rough day (week, year, life), here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile."

Tyrone

None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You’re driving me insane, Tyrone!"

Divorce Letter

Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been torture.

Beware of Marines

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters!"

Home Security

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

Senior Cheer

What do we want?!!
Better Memory!!
When do we want it?!!

Another Year

Another year has passed
And we're all a little older.
Last summer felt hotter
And winter seems colder.

The Boss

The boss was concerned that his employees weren't giving him enough respect, so he tried an old-fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said "I'm the Boss" and taped it to his door.

Water in the Carburetor

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

Irish Text

Paddy texts his wife... "Mary, I'm just having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes..."

Female Perspective

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman --- "which book has helped you most in your life?"

Avocado Errand

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get 6."

Rank Respect

Officer: Soldier do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy
Officer: That's no way to address an officer!

Thanksgiving Special

Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

Someone Cares

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