marriage

Headline from the Grocery Store

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sun, 04/26/2015 - 01:26
Latest News: 49 mins ago:
Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

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Sell Your Golf Clubs

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 04/17/2015 - 15:09
Jerry decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

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Grounds for Divorce

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 03/14/2015 - 04:00
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

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Divorce Letter

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 02/06/2015 - 13:49
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years & I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been torture.

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Beware of Marines

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 01/30/2015 - 16:36
A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters!"

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Water in the Carburetor

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 12/27/2014 - 16:07
WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

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Irish Text

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 12/19/2014 - 15:05
Paddy texts his wife... "Mary, I'm just having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 minutes..."

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Female Perspective

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 12/13/2014 - 02:49
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman --- "which book has helped you most in your life?"

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Avocado Errand

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 12/06/2014 - 15:08
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have avocados, get 6."

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Rank Respect

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sun, 11/30/2014 - 01:40
Officer: Soldier do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy
Officer: That's no way to address an officer!

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Thanksgiving Special

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 11/21/2014 - 12:47
Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed Son No. 1. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

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Natural Laws

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Sat, 11/08/2014 - 03:04
This airhead decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these airhead jokes and how all airheads are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.

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Jewish and Italian Moms

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 10/10/2014 - 14:36
Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

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Math Trick

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 09/26/2014 - 16:45
Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents ... come on!

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Confessional Box

Submitted by RaoulTGIF on Fri, 09/12/2014 - 14:20
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.
On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses

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