Get On Board!

Warning: Serious thoughts and religious topic. Please move on to the jokes if you aren’t in the mood.

I had a physical exam the other day. Before seeing the doctor, I was given some standard health questions about smoking, drinking, allergies and family history, etc. but there was a new section that gauged any loneliness and depression — alluding (I assume) to suicidal tendencies. I guess the hospitals are finally addressing the growing epidemic of suicide all over the world. Indeed, more and more people have lost hope in this confusing world. What a tragedy.

John the doctor

John F., my business partner, wasn’t his jolly old self when I called him this afternoon. Apparently, his friend (John P. MD) had just passed away a few hours ago. Doctor John and his wife had just moved in to their new down-sized home when he fell down the stairs, cracked his skull and never recovered. My partner is devastated but I’m sure it doesn’t even compare with the family’s grief. They had just seen the movie “Freedom” and they had plans to help stop child trafficking … but God had a better plan. “Sad. See you again, John,” said my partner in their group chat.

Bob the harmonica player

None of my band members heard from Bob (our harmonica player) all of last week. I only found out from a mutual friend that he had a near-fatal heart attack. Thanks to the doctors who put a stint on his artery on time. I had a long chat with Bob on the phone. I enjoyed sharing ideas with a friend whom I almost lost. I’m looking forward to Bob’s melancholy woodwind in a few weeks.

Jerry the gentle giant

Jerry, was a genuinely nice 6’2” giant with lots of friends and a huge family. In the last 5 years, he had his knees and hip replaced. He battled with chronic pain for months after and practically lived off pain killers. No one realized he was that sick. There was always hope that he would return to our breakfast meetings. Even though I knew Jerry didn’t share the same faith, something prompted me to text him and I sent him a long prayer. “Thank you dear friend,” he said, “I can use all the help you can muster.” The following week he was gone.

“People get ready there’s a train comin’.
You don’t need no baggage, you just get on board.
All you need is faith to keep the diesels humming.
You don’t need no ticket. You just thank the Lord.”
— A song by Curtis Mayfield

If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m part of the Baby Boom generation. My circle of white haired friends are boarding that Train in record numbers. Life is fleeting.

People came knocking

As I was walking our dogs this morning, a herd of church people entered my community dressed in their Sunday best and with pamphlets in hand. Although I don’t particularly agree with their beliefs, I was open to have a discussion with them; however, when I returned home, they had already knocked at my door and left a pamphlet. Their brochure was an invitation to their upcoming convention on how to “Exercise Patience.” I appreciate the boldness of these well-meaning witnesses but I question their beliefs — do they believe that Jesus is the son of God? May God humble our hearts and guide our path to the truth.

All of this is a reminder of my mission to spread the gospel. Think about it: If being “saved” is all that matters, why didn’t God let the “saved” get on board the train immediately after they accepted Christ? If you are “saved” why aren’t you “saving” others? I believe Christians are here to lead others to the truth before the wrong crowds lead them elsewhere.

Sure, I respect other beliefs and I am willing to listen to other ideas (if you have questions, I have time for you) but so far, the truths in the Bible have answered all my questions without a doubt. Although we’re curious how people die and speculate what could have been, the fact is, the Train is coming for everybody. We just have different scheduled boarding passes. It isn’t about works — it’s nothing we can boast of. It’s about faith. It’s about God’s grace. Do your research, discuss, question, do what you have to do to settle things now. Get your ticket to get on board before it’s too late.

“for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; just as you know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake.”
— 1Thesolonians 1:5

Blessings to you all. TGIF people!

Raoul

BTW, thanks for all your prayers for my Ai talk. It went very well. People hung around for half an hour in animated discussions. I will be writing an article about this soon for travelingboy.com.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Marilou of Pila Laguna, Philippines

Original art by Raoul Pascual.

Parting Shots

Thanks to Maling of New Manila, Philippines.

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

I found these

The Traveling Boy

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

The post Anger Management appeared first on Traveling Archive.

Anger Management Test

I was excited. My wife was returning from a week-long trip to the Philippines. I was supposed to pick her up on Tuesday. However, Monday started a long list of misfortunes.

Since LAX (Los Angeles International Airport) is an hour’s drive away, I decide to fill my tank with gas on Monday. Wouldn’t you know it? My car decides to die on me right at the pump. I call for help and the lady who is overseeing the pumping line pushes my car towards the parking spot ahead of me. As she pushes, my steering wheel jams and I could hardly turn. Up ahead I see a red, shiny $1M Ferrari. (Of all places, why would anyone park his Ferrari in front of me?!?!) “Lord, you gotta be kidding! Where’d you hide the hidden camera?!” We miss it by a few inches. My heart is pounding. Looking at the bright side, I guess if the Ferrari owner saw me, he would have had a heart attack!

Road Assistance comes over and the ER car mechanic tells me my starter is the problem. So I bring it to Mr. P, a mechanic who goes to the same church. Surely good ol’ Mr. P isn’t going to RIP me off like the other mechanics in the area, right?

Mr. P is hospitable and he’s joking around and we exchange banter like we are best buddies. I picture this scene of us smiling, my balloon says “he’s a swell guy for helping me out like this” while his balloon says “how much can I RIP from this bozo?”

He said he needs to check it out first. His son drops me off at my home. Soon Mr. P calls me and says It is going to cost me almost $700. I swear I heard a piece of paper going “RrrriiiP! — sucker!” He also says it would be ready after lunch — so picking up my wife was not gonna happen. Mr. P could have quoted me a million bucks because he knew I had no choice but agree to any price he dished out.

That evening I’m messaging my wife about her needing to take Lyft to get home. She’s frustrated, I’m frustrated … we’re not in a good mood. A few hours later, she tells me there’s something wrong with the plane’s hydraulics. She’ll arrive on Wednesday instead. “Well, at least I can pick her up now.”

Tuesday morning Mr. P phones in and tells me the car will be ready by lunchtime as promised. I’m thinking I might have misjudged him … maybe the parts were expensive … so I ask him to check for anything else that needs repair. After all, I wasn’t rushing for anything anymore. Less than an hour later he gives me a long laundry list of what needs to be done. The total would only be an additional $2,500. I nearly Puke. So that’s what Mr. P stands for!

“No thanks! Just change the oil and whatever else would fit my budget of $1,000 and that should be enough.”

Just before closing time, I decide to walk the 2 miles to Mr. P’s shop. He volunteered to order an Uber for me but I would have none of that added to my bill … I needed to exercise anyway. A quarter of a mile away and I get this cramp on my left calf muscle. “Lord, you gotta be kidding! Where’d you hide the hidden camera now?!” You should have seen me limping and hobbling as traffic whizzed around me. I swear I hear someone yelling — sucker!! Miraculously, I make it in less than an hour. Mr. P’s mouth starts babbling like a salesman. His words enter one ear and out the other. The total bill is — Ka-Ching! — $968.87 — just $31 under my budget. My face drops. I just pay the guy. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. In my mind, I’m scratching his name from my list of nice people in church.

My wife messages me again – she won’t be arriving on Wednesday after all. The electrical system at the Philippine airport is acting funny. She has to continue to enjoy an all-expenses paid accommodation at this luxurious hotel. Sigh! Some girls have all the fun!

So finally Thursday comes around. To surprise my wife, I decide to take our two corgis with me. Big mistake! Instead of jumping up to the backseat, those pesky little mischievous canines-from-hell decide this is fun-time! They run around the car taunting me to chase them. “Lord, you gotta be kidding! Where’s the hidden camera?!” I clap my hands, stamp my feet, I whistle, I make puckering sounds and those pranksters look at me smiling with their tongues hanging out. I waste 10 minutes and finally grab them by their leashes and carry them into the car. They’re laughing at the back as I start our long journey to the airport.

Surprisingly, I get to the airport 30 minutes early so I park in a street 3 minutes away from the arrival area. All is “quiet in the waterfront” when my wife texts me that they had just landed. I’m elated that this chapter will be over soon.

A minute later, I witness a policeman gather traffic cones and starts cordoning off the street that leads to the airport. Oh no! I see cars detouring to my parking area. Then, even the detour is cordoned off. Then cars start piling and blocking my way out. Before it gets any worse I decide to pull out and start heading for a distant detour — 5 miles away. I notice several blinking black government SUVs being escorted towards the airport. I figure it’s this government big shot who’s causing all these disruptions.

In the meantime my wife is texting me … complaining that she had to go through immigration, customs and now she is randomly chosen to go through yet another line because her baggage tags belongs to her original Tuesday flight. She is fuming mad but I am calm in my thoughts of revenge: “Hey Mr. Big Shot Bureaucrat! You messed up everyone’s day, you messed up my schedule — prepare to die! Ratatatattat!”

At long last I turtle-pace in the LAX traffic to my wife’s gate. She is all smiles. The dogs are unusually quiet but obviously happy (I guess the 2 long hour wait snuffed the punk out of them). The drive home is a lot faster than I expect. All is good. I am glad because I still have time to spare to pick up my grand kids from school. But when I get there, my daughter is already waiting to pick them up. There obviously was a miscommunication. Did I let it bother me? Nah! I’m already an expert in misery!

Yes, I had a bad week but I can’t say I had a terrible week — my car’s working, my wife’s home with her corgis, the grand kids are home. Life is nice and dandy. It helps a lot if you face your daily foibles with a cheery attitude. So many hot buttons yet not one hot enough to burn me down. How’d your week go? Did you pass your Anger Management Test?

Impatience is the breeding ground of anger and anger is only one letter away from danger.

TGIF people!

Raoul

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Phil of La Habra, CA

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Wyne of Mandaluyong, Metro Manila

PARTING SHOTS

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Maling of New Manila, Philippines

Thanks to Garie of Kainta, Metro Manila

I found these

THE TRAVELING BOY

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

The post Enormous Hand appeared first on Traveling Archive.

A Halloween Story

Do you like scary stories? Since it’s Halloween season I thought I’d give homage to my pal, Rod. He passed away almost 10 years ago but his memory lives on. He was a lawyer who had so many talents, he played lead guitar, composed music and wrote terrific prose — he even wrote his own musical play. Halloween season reminds me of Rod because he told the scariest stories. I wanted to share this before but I just didn’t know how to describe it in paper. I figured I’d attempt it now. I welcome your proof reading corrections.

A gathering of wide-eyed friends were huddled around Rodney as he told this original “true story” (yeah, right!):

MARIA’S WALK HOME
by Rod G

Maria was on her way home from school. School was located at the East side of the village while Maria’s home was at the other end, on the West the village. In between them was the village cemetery (this is a horror story so of course there had to be a cemetery). Nobody took the shortcut because it would mean passing beside the cemetery. (You know where this is going, right?)

But this one night … this one lunar night … Maria was exhausted from overtime schoolwork. She wanted to go home to relax in her warm comfortable bed. “Forget this superstitious warning! I’m going to take the silly shortcut!” (Oh noooo!)

Maria walked alone under the late evening moon. The claps of her wooden sandals echoed with the crickets and frogs of the night. As she approached the entrance of the cemetery, something moved. It was an old shrouded woman sitting quietly on the ground and counting white pebbles. Maria glanced over her shoulder. It was too late to walk back. She had to move forward. She walked cautiously as she passed the woman. But that’s when the woman noticed her and stopped counting. Maria couldn’t look at the woman’s face because it was covered with the shroud but when she looked down at the pebbles … they weren’t pebbles. They were human bones.

“Screeeam!!!” Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter! — went Maria as she dashed for home. Her wooden sandals flew in the air as she ran barefooted.

The faster she ran, the faster the footsteps behind her. The woman covered her face with her left hand but she swatted furiously to grab Maria with her right hand. Wooosh! Wooosh! Wooosh!

“Come here!” Wooosh! “Come here!” Wooosh! Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter! — went the woman behind her.

Up ahead, just a hundred yards away, Maria could see the light from her home. “Mama help me! Mama help me!!” Maria shrieked in terror. Maria doubled the pace … but so did the old woman.

Then Maria heard “Wooosh – Wooosh!” Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter! “Wooosh – Wooosh!” Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter! “Wooosh – Wooosh!”

Two hands were now closing in. The shroud no longer covered the face. The snarling face was haggard and wrinkled with sharp and dirty teeth that matched her sharp and dirty fingernails.

“Screeeam!!!”Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter! “Mama! Mama!”

Wooosh – Wooosh! Wooosh – Wooosh! Wooosh – Wooosh! Wooosh – Wooosh!

“That’s odd,” thought Maria, “there’s something different with the sound. What happened to the Pitter-patter! Pitter-patter!?!? … Oh no! … it can’t be! … the old woman’s feet no longer touched the ground. The witch was AIRBORNE! Screeeeeeeeeeeeeam!”

And that was the end of the story. And all my angry friends knocked Rod off his chair. We laughed because we knew he made it all up but we enjoyed being scared.

I loved Rod. Despite his brilliance, Rod lived a troubled life. I felt his pain. He was a proud and stubborn man. Prayed for him for years. When I shared the Gospel with him, he thought I was trapping him and was not open to new teachings. He was very defensive. Who was I to preach to a lawyer? He planned to come and visit me in California and he bragged about it and I was thrilled to be able to spend more time with him. But that opportunity never came.

My cousin called me. Rod had a stroke so I dropped everything and took a flight to be by his deathbed. That’s how important this was to me. The apostle Paul reminded us that “it is by faith and not of works that one is saved” so I prayed with him just in case there was still some cognitive activity. They pulled the plug two days after.

Thanks Rod for the jokes, the Halloween stories … the memories.

Have a good Halloween weekend my friends. TGIF!

Raoul

Joke of the Week

Parting Shots

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Found these

The post Halloween Story appeared first on Traveling Archive.