Joke of the Week

Thanks to Wyne of Mandaluyong, Philippines

Original Artwork by Raoul Pascual

Raoul’s 2 cents

Caricatures of Life

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

It is caricature week for me at my church during our Annual Summer Adventure Week where I am stationed at the Parent’s Lounge.I don’t know why but when I’m drawing people’s faces, I am transformed into their Father Confessor. They open up their lives to me. Couples share how they met and what they do.

I met a librarian who told me they have historical books not open to the public — 1st editions and drafts of famous books. (Remind me to steal those books later.) His wife studied in Washington DC and dreamed of writing national policies but children came, and she decided to be a stay-at-home Mom. There was an electrical engineer from Cuba who pointed upwards and said he designs the lamp posts in the city. His wife who is from the Dominican Republic got so excited when we talked about poverty around the world and said that in Cuba, they are so hard up that mothers wash and reuse disposable diapers. Ken is a classically-trained guitarist who carries a guitar pick wherever he goes in case he has an opportunity to perform. Nehemiah comes from an African village who suffered a whole year waiting to be reunited with family while he finishes his studies at Biola. Eleazer showed me a video of his dangerous work: hauling crude oil from the oil rigs around the city.

Moms and grandmoms posed with their little ones. And for the kids who could converse, I encouraged them with tips about life choices in an AI world. A teenager dreamed of being a professional basketball player but he didn’t grow tall so he shifted to soccer. In case he doesn’t make it professionally he wants to be a pilot. A strict grandma bribed her kids to get good grades and fined them if they didn’t. Today her kids are successful but she thinks she overdid her discipline because when she warned them of the dangers of an early marriage she didn’t expect they’d still be unmarried today. A radiant smile of a lady with two young kids hid her hardships as a single Mom. A Dad had his adopted twin kids jumping all over him yet the joy of having children never left him. Aren’t these diverse stories of so many people amazing? Many have told me that the caricatures I have done for them years ago still hang in their walls reminding them of what they were going through when we talked.

FUTURISTIC ARTWORK
Because of these encounters, I’m imagining I’m Tom Cruise in the movie “Minority Report” where I move colors around in this floating touch screen monitor — each smile, each story is like a splash of paint in this huge canvass of civilization. I’m waiting for the technology to allow me to create this multi-dimensional tapestry where touching each unique pigment tells a story that branches out to the stages of different lives complete with the music, movies and books they grew up with. Looking sideways, my digital sculpture will open up their ancestry. And the really cool thing is discovering how all the different races are connect to the original 8 people who survived the great flood. At the end of the journey, my artwork will narrow it all down to Adam and Eve. At the base of this his ginormous art piece will be the giant hand of God — He’s got the whole world in his hands! — get it?

Indeed, we are all related, each of our lives intentionally and lovingly placed — (with our own unique circumstances) by a Creator. We are free to make our own choices — good and bad. Some of us born rich, some poor, some loved, others maltreated, some equipped with ten fingers and toes, others blind or handicapped. Have you ever wondered why God created so much beauty, diversity and even suffering? I’ve stopped questioning and suggesting a better approach to any of His decisions. I believe in a God of love, whose ways go beyond our understanding. I’m sorry if you are going through tough times, but won’t you stop comparing and look upwards? (I know it’s more easily said than done). Accept that life wasn’t meant to be fair but to be a challenge leading back to our Creator.

But this is just me. TGIF people!

Quotes of the week

“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.” — Henry Youngman

“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller

“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” — Homer Simpson

“Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter’s eyes, whispering, ‘I can’t do this’.” — Ryan Reynolds

“I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.” — Kevin Hart

“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.” — Samuel 1: 27

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2

“Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” — Luke 18: 15

Memes of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena. CA

Thanks to Brett of Alhambra, CA

Thanks to Joel of Alhambra, CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:
I hope I got you to smile.

SUBSCRIBE to Raoul’s TGIF Joke

The post Signs of Maturity appeared first on Traveling Boy.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Raoul’s 2 cents

The Gift of Healing

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

Every week I spend a lot of time wondering what I would share in this TGIF email. Sometimes the topic just hits me and writing magically comes alive. Other times the topic only arrives just before my Friday midnight deadline. Most often I have no idea where the story is going and just allow it to proceed to its logical conclusion. As I write this very article, I have no idea where this story will take me.

As I was walking our dogs, I see my neighbor’s right hand wrapped in fresh bandages. She had just had a carpal tunnel operation. I told her she should have gone to a chiropractor but she responded that she had already been to chiropractors, acupuncturists, etc.but none helped. She didn’t want any further discussion as she headed straight to her home. Too bad. If she had cared to listen, I would have shared my own experience.

Before smart pads and touch screens became a fad, I used to awkwardly draw with my computer mouse (ergonomically a bad idea). It wasn’t long until I started to feel sharp pain … as if a vein or two had fallen out of place. I asked a nurse friend what to do. She said take pain-killers and get one of those adjustable wrist braces. It wasn’t a cure. It only covered the problem. It was either that or I would need an operation. Worry occupied my thoughts.

A few days later, as I joined a business breakfast meeting, Dr. Mark the Chiropractor, noticed the “trophy” on my hand. He knew exactly what was going on and, with my permission, he discarded my brace, massaged my wrist – up, down and sideways for about 5 minutes. Did it hurt? Well, yeah!! Of course it did! 😫 But after a few days my pain was completely gone … and it has never returned.

There were two other recent instances here in Los Angeles when gifted hands removed my pain. One was on my left shoulder and the other was on my sciatica. I am totally convinced there is something Western medicine can learn from centuries-old Eastern treatments like chiropractic, acupuncture, deep tissue massage, etc. The comparison is similar to using an abacus vs long multiplication. Of course, not all these eastern experts are the same. Some are better than others. Some chiropractors specialize in the spine while others specialize in fingers. (Dr. Mark was so good, he walloped a dislocated hip of a race horse back in place). I think the really good doctors are born with the gift of healing.

MANGHIHILOT

In the Philippines, there are healers called “manghihilot” (pronounced: Mang Hee Hee Lowt) which literally means “The Mender.” Superstition says: if a person is born in the breach position (ie. the baby comes out of the mother with legs first) that’s a sure sign that person is a born-manghihilot whether he/she realizes it or not. Pretty wild, huh? But so far (at least in my experience) this prerequisite has proven to be accurate.

Growing up, there used to be a manghihilot in any given town. None of them had any formal training but they were able to heal … usually with just one session. Typically, they never charged for their services because, if they did, God would remove their power to heal 😳. It is left to the patient’s discretion to pay any amount that feels right — which explains why none of the healers ever got wealthy. (Oh, but the fake ones did get rich! 👺)

THE PROCEDURE

When one gets sprained, one either goes to the healer or the healer makes house calls. After rubbing the area with coconut oil, the healer feels the bones and knows exactly which ones to put back in alignment. Then the healer wraps that area with guava leaves … topping it off with a cloth bandage to keep the leaves in place and to allow the sprain to breathe. Soon the sprain turns purple — partly from the sap of the leaves and partly from the internal battle of the veins mending in place. I have had several “fixes” from different healers growing up because I played a lot of basketball.

In another world, I believe I could have been a healer. I think it’s in my DNA. My grandfather was a doctor. But he never got rich from his practice. In fact, he got poor because of it. My noble granddad studied medicine to cure people … not to make money. So many of his patients were poor. They would pay him with chickens and pigs — good for the tummy, but bad for the wallet (this obviously didn’t make my grandmother happy). Maybe this is why none of his children ever ambitioned to become a doctor. 

Did you know I give a good massage? Nobody taught me … it comes naturally. I never took anatomy classes but I just have an inherent understanding where muscles should go.  One time, my little pinky was hit so hard by a basketball that the 2 outer bone segments landed on top of the 3rd segment. I looked at it in shock and, before the pain set in, I held my breath, and pulled the bones back in place. Yup! I really did!  😬

If you had the gift of healing, would you keep it a secret? If you had the cure for cancer, wouldn’t you want to share that to the world even if it meant being ridiculed by scoffers? Maybe this is why I share my Christian faith so easily. It’s a different kind of healing for sure … a spiritual one. Go ahead, throw stones at me if you like but that’s what I believe. I don’t force it to any one but I am always available to share. 

Okay, that’s it! End of today’s lesson! Pass your papers!  I didn’t know where this story was leading to but somehow it just landed here. You can go back to your normal life now. TGIF people!

If you like my emails, please do me a favor and spread them around. Thank you!
You can read all my previous emails here in TravelingBoy.com

FYI, I am trying out this new mailing program. I’m still adjusting to the system. Please let me know if you are having any problems receiving this email. If you do not receive my email on Friday, check your SPAM or go to this travelingboy.com website. Thank you!

Quotes of the week

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” — Mark Twain

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx

“It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.” — Jackie Mason?

“I am dying with the help of too many physicians.” — Alexander the Great

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” — Psalm 147: 2

“My wayward children,” says the Lord, “come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts” — Jeremiah 3:22

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'” — Matthew 11: 28-29

Memes of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena. CA

Thanks to Joel of Alhambra, CA

Thanks to Jacob of Whittier, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

I hope I got you to smile.
See you next Friday!

SUBSCRIBE to Raoul’s TGIF Joke

The post No Exercise appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Original Artwork by Raoul Pascual

Raoul’s 2 cents

America: Land of the Blessings

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

My wife and I waited for our grandson to be dismissed from his last day of Middle School. Earlier, his older brother celebrated his Promotion Day (from Middle School to High School) with several academic medals hanging from his neck. It was a proud morning.

As I stared at the school campus with the American flag and the California flag waving at us, I turned to my wife and said: “Doesn’t this school remind you of the first time we registered our kids to an American school?” Our son’s first friend was a Hispanic kid named Carlo. They had just met but they played around the campus like best buds. (That was their first and last time to play together because they wound up in different school districts.) We fondly remember that happy day because we knew that assimilating to the culture was going to be easy. Looking far beyond, where the clouds merged with the majesty of the Sierra Madre Mountains, I thanked God for allowing us to be here. With tears, we left friends, family and church to start this adventure.

The 15 hour flight aboard Northwest Airlines was the first time our kids rode an airplane. We were allowed to bring 10 huge boxes of favorite toys, videotapes and lots and lots of clothes. In retrospect, we shouldn’t have bothered because they were practically rags compared to the quality of US garments. People at the airport stared at our family as we rolled 5 carts through the maze of LAX but I didn’t care. I recall my brother in Washington DC exclaimed “the Eagle has landed!” Indeed, it was like we had stepped on the moon.

It was a small miracle that all of this junk fit in my father’s Nissan Van: “Welcome to America … welcome to your new home!” A feeling of disbelief overwhelmed us as the van navigated towards the four-lane 10 freeway. “America is so big! Look at those tall buildings! Look at all those brand-new cars! Look at how fast everyone’s driving! Smell the clean air! There are McDonalds everywhere!

My parents prepared a spare room … a tiny room just big enough to fit one king-sized mattress on the floor and a dresser. (Don’t we need mosquito nets? Where are the mosquitoes?) Our family of 5 lived there for a few months until my wife pushed us to rent an apartment in the hopes that we would find a decent income. She eventually started as a bookkeeper while I worked for a very small graphic design shop. Even though I was hardly paid enough, I enjoyed my work and was grateful for any kind of job. I was too happy being here in America. I didn’t understand labor rates, living costs, insurance, health benefits, taxes, and the US economy. My dreams were simple.

One of the first things we searched for was a good church. It was funny how fellow Filipinos suggested we go to an all-Filipino church to feel more at home (which we did for a while) but we enjoyed discovering other cultures … we came here to assimilate into the culture. We deliberately instructed our kids to make friends with all kinds of ethnicities.

Our first church was the First Baptist Church of Alhambra, California. The congregation doted over us. They gave us furniture and clothes, taught us where the discounts were and they invited us to their homes. They taught us what Americans do for Memorial Day weekend, Super Bowl Sunday, the 4th of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Black Friday Sales, Christmas, New Year, Easter, and Summer Camp vacations. In turn, we taught Sunday School and helped out in the church. We learned how Caucasians, other Asians, Blacks and Hispanics lived. Each group did things differently for sure — ate different food, dressed differently and spoke differently. Different meant diversity in a good rich way. We were color blind and proud of it.

TODAY

Our kids are grown up now. They all have well-paying jobs. Our grand kids are older than our kids when we first arrived. We have lived here longer than we had lived in the Philippines. We have food. We have cars. We have a home. We are living the American dream. We are headed down the mountain of success and walking towards the sunset.

To be part of America is an honor I will never take for granted. That’s why I am amazed at the arrogance of some immigrants. Wants are now demands. Blessings are now expectations. They forget the little miracles that led them up the mountain. They compare the mountains above and below. Never satisfied. Always looking for a fight. They don’t recognize my America.

America — the land of free speech and ideas. A land established by Judeo-Christian values. What other country passes its blessings to the rest of the world like America? Someone asked me why I spend so much time preparing for this Friday email. I don’t do it for the money. It is my part to pass the blessings I do not deserve.

TGIF people!

If you like my emails, please do me a favor and spread them around. Thank you!

FYI, I am trying out this new mailing program. I’m still adjusting to the system. Please let me know if you are having any problems receiving this email. If you do not receive my email on Friday, check your SPAM or go here in travelingboy.com where I also post this weekly collection. Thank you!

Quotes of the week

“The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.” — Dennis Miller

“The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.” — Felipe Esparza

“Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.” — Amy Chua, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

“I received a letter just before I left office from a man. I don’t know why he chose to write it, but I’m glad he did. He wrote that you can go to live in France, but you can’t become a Frenchman. You can go to live in Germany or Italy, but you can’t become a German, an Italian. He went through Turkey, Greece, Japan and other countries. But he said anyone, from any corner of the world, can come to live in the United States and become an American.” — Ronald Reagan

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” — Numbers 6: 24-26

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” — James 1:17

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” — Isaiah 41:10

Memes of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena. CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Jacob of Whittier, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

I hope I got you to smile.
See you next Friday!

TGIF Joke Archives

SUBSCRIBE

The post Misplaced Affection appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, California

Raoul’s 2 cents

Legacy Shells

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

A dear friend of mine sends me verses every day. This morning, he sent me a poem he wrote about grace and peace which created an image in my mind of a shell on a calm sandy beach. I was transported to my carefree childhood summer vacation — lying down on my stomach along the sandy beach, surrounded by an assortment of smoothly eroded, broken, white and pink, perforated, corals and shells. As the lapping waves pushed one shell to shore, I wondered what happened to the creature that lived in that shell. Was it eaten by some sea monster? Did it die of old age? Now, nothing’s left of the soft slimy muscle tissue of this mollusk … only the beautiful fossilized home of the snail remains as a testament that it once slithered on the ocean floor. To think that each of these other shells has a story to tell.

Most shells are tossed away because they are broken. Tiny uninteresting skeletal remains are strewn all over this coral cemetery by the sea. But the few unbroken gorgeous works of natural art that make it ashore are grabbed by collectors who display them on prominent home mantels for their beauty to be appreciated for generations.

Human shells
Aren’t our bones so similar to sea shells? Some extraordinary people transform into rooks, bishops and queens. These special ones are buried in tombs of gold in honorable display. But most of us remain as pawns in the chess game of life and our bones and ashes return to earth … remembered for a generation or two and then slowly fade away. Nothing wrong with that.

Ever wonder about your legacy? What on earth will they say at your funeral?

“Here lies Father … I guess that’s it for your Dad Jokes.”

“Goodbye Mom … your secret recipe dies with you — probably the best!”

“Goodbye dear friend. You left us too early. Next time, when the sign says ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ — do not touch!”

“Hey honey, I knew you wanted me to publish your precious poetry but I spilled coffee on the manuscript and the dog ate it … well at least the dog thought it tasted good!”

Would you want your bones preserved in “honorable display?” Not me. My wife hates it when I tell her not to spend on my funeral. “Just flush my ashes down the toilet,” I tell her, “I don’t really care. My body is just a shell.” I can just imagine my funeral scene. It’ll be great! A throng of visitors will be packed like sardines in this dinky little bathroom. “Alas poor Raoul, had it not been for his insomnia, he should have died peacefully in his sleep … instead, he died in excruciating agony with his eyes wide open.” FLUSH!

But I know my wife … she’s going to defy my orders and do something elaborate and decent. People will be forced to say good things about me so don’t believe anything they say. Honestly, I’d be happy if they simply said “Raoul loved God, loved his family and loved people. He was a follower of Christ. Well done, good and faithful servant.”

This Friday, my wife and I will be attending a funeral for the man who gave my wife her dream job. He was a slick dresser so I will honor him by wearing a suit. Sadly, I remember a brilliant businessman who was so stubborn and proud that he hurt so many people. He was looking for his family at his deathbed but only one son attended his funeral. The others refused to come.

If you were to die today, what legacy will you leave behind? What kind of shell will you be? Breakable or collectible? Forgotten or remembered? Are people surrounding you only for your money? Have you enriched the lives of others? Or do you have a lot of catching up to do? Well, what are you waiting for?

TGIF people!

If you like my emails, please do me a favor and spread them around. Thank you!

FYI, I am trying out this new mailing program. I’m still adjusting to the system. Please let me know if you are having any problems receiving this email.

Quotes of the week

“He always said he’d rather be late than never show up – except this time.” — Anonymous

“She claimed she’d never be caught dead in a dress – well, here we are.” — Anonymous

“Her last words were ‘Delete my browser history.'” — Anonymous

“He believed in living life like a roller coaster – lots of ups, downs, and occasional screaming.” — Anonymous

“She wanted us to remember her as she lived – slightly inappropriate and usually laughing.” — Anonymous

“And the Lord said to Jehu, ‘Because you have done well in doing what is right in My sight, and have done to the house of Ahab all that was in My heart, your sons shall sit on the throne of Israel to the fourth generation.'” — 2 Kings 10:30

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’” — Hebrews 13:5

“As for the bones of Joseph, which the people of Israel brought up from Egypt, they buried them at Shechem, in the piece of land that Jacob bought from the sons of Hamor the father of Shechem for a hundred pieces of money. It became an inheritance of the descendants of Joseph.” — Joshua 24:32

Memes of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena. CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Jacob of Whittier, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

SUBSCRIBE to Raoul’s TGIF Joke

The post Random Thoughts appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Money and the Pursuit of Happiness

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

A few days ago, someone mentioned that she came from a wealthy family. She said her grandfather owned a coal mine. “What an odd statement,” I thought. Why would anyone declare she was wealthy? Why would wealth even matter? Does wealth change our relationship? Will I need to bow down and worship? The rolodex in my mind flipped through a list of the many who I consider “wealthy.” Is there anything I could learn from them?

LIFETYLES OF THE RICH AND INFLUENTIAL

• My Grade School classmate was the son of the President and their family dominated Philippine politics for decades. He never stood out in class. He was more of a reluctant heir to the throne.
• Sone of my childhood playmates were the children of an Asian monarchy (Shhh!). Their parents used to shower us with jewelry. They live very simple, hard working lives.
• My High School seatmate was soft spoken, decent, respectful and came from a poor family. He always wore the same shoes, pants and shirt every day. I knew he was smart. Today he’s a self-made millionaire, owns two high rise hotels and has a private yacht. I have many other classmates who are leaders in their technical industries.
• My older brother’s girlfriend was a direct descendant of James Fenimore Cooper (the famous frontier novelist). I believe her (old rich) family practically owns most of Cooperstown in New York state. Her family was down-to-earth, simple and accommodating. Their grandmother lived by herself in a loft in Park Avenue.
• The father of my friends in San Francisco invented cable TV. Aside from her work, she was a busy Mom caring for her son and doing menial housework. Still, she found time to serve and tour us around when we came to visit.
• My parents had friends in high places in politics and industries: Supreme Court Justices, a shipping mogul, restaurant owners, socialites, and factory owners.
• One of my closest friends is a retired oncologist who owns a mansion right beside a golf course. He loves cars. He flies private planes, is generous and always fun to be with. We would get into deep conversations.
• The father of my friend was classmates with Prime Minister Lee Kwan Yew of Singapore. His family never asked any favors. They could have been wealthy but my friend lives a very simple life.
• Another rich and humble friend co-owned a computer chip-making factory. He contracted cancer. His doctors said he could live indefinitely as long as he could afford the regular chemo. He survived for a year or two until he died suddenly of pneumonia complications.

So there are quite a few in my list and, interestingly, none of them fit the pompous aristocrat stereotype. In fact, many desire anonymity and to blend in with the rest of us peasants. They are normal people facing the same challenges of life.

“How much money does it take to make a man happy? Just one more dollar,” said John D. Rockefeller

THE DNA OF THE RICH
They say the Chinese never pay full price. They will never be happy unless they get some sort of discount. (Maybe it makes them feel superior to outdo someone.) A dear friend, who comes from a rich Filipino-Chinese family, invited me to join his brood and other wealthy friends on a road trip vacation. When we stopped over at a poor village, a throng of fruit vendors surrounded our van. A little boy dressed in rags peddled his wares in front of my friend’s mother. The heiress couldn’t help herself and haggled for a lower price. And she got her discount.

PRICE TAG OF HAPPINESS
Most people blur where wealth and happiness collide. I asked my teenage grand kids how much money they would need to be happy. And their blank stares revealed money was not important in their world. Profound! Perhaps I should go back to their monetary innocence. True, money is important … but I shouldn’t be obsessed with it. Perhaps I should trust the Lord more. After all, chasing money is just the means to the real goal of contentment. And contentment can be achieved in ways other than money. Good health, a warm embrace, a clear conscience … one doesn’t need money for any of that.

Below is an excerpt from the play “You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown” that brings me back to the days of innocence when having money only meant being able to buy candies.

CHARLIE BROWN:
(spoken) I’m so happy! That little red-haired girl dropped her pencil—it has teeth marks all over it. She nibbles her pencil. She’s human! It hasn’t been such a bad day after all
(sung) Happiness is finding a pencil

[SNOOPY]
Pizza with sausage

[LINUS]
Telling the time

[SCHROEDER]
Happiness is learning to whistle

[LINUS]
Tying your shoe for the very first time!

[SALLY]
Happiness is playing the drums in your own school band

[CHARLIE BROWN]
And happiness is walking hand in hand

How important is money to you? Are you sure money will bring contentment? TGIF people!

If you like my blog, please do me a favor and spread it around. Thank you!

Quotes of the week

“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas perhaps means a little bit more,”

— The Grinch

“I’d like to live as a poor man with lots of money.”

— Pablo Picasso

“Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.”

— Anonymous

“For I don’t care too much for money, for money can’t buy me love.”

— The Beatles

“If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.”

— Dorothy Parker

“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce. Then he will fill your barns with grain, and your vats will overflow with good wine.”

— Proverbs 3:9-12

“While Jesus was in the Temple, he watched the rich people dropping their gifts in the collection box. Then a poor widow came by and dropped in two small coins. “I tell you the truth,” Jesus said, “this poor widow has given more than all the rest of them. For they have given a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she has.”

— Luke 21:1-4

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”

— Philippians 1: 11, written by Paul while he was in prison.

Memes of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena. CA

Thanks to Jacob of Whittier, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

Subscribe

The post Asking For a Bike appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Invisible People

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

Logan’s body was a tattoo artist’s canvas. Hieroglyphics were written all over his face which matched the graffiti he plastered all over his beat-up Honda sedan. Even though he went to my church, I never really got to know him … until I invited his caretaker for lunch and Logan (uninvited) tagged along. Boy, was it an eye opener!

Have you ever talked to a vagrant in the streets? I have … but those instances are few and far between. My very first encounter was an unkempt, moustached woman (in the college campus) who twirled her hair and constantly had conversations with herself … often with cigarette in hand. She never bothered anyone and nobody talked to her. We were insensitive and secretly called her the “crazy woman.”

A few years ago, I drove a friend to the ER. While waiting at the lounge, a deranged woman screamed for medication while the nurses and the other guests avoided her stare. I wanted to comfort her but feared I would not be able to retreat to my privacy. I chickened out.

A few months ago (I shared here in this TGIF email that) a homeless woman found comfort in a discarded cushioned sofa. She was putting on makeup and lighting up a cigarette. Again, I had the urge to greet her but I didn’t want to engage in a constant dole out for her addiction — an understandable (and often used) excuse, don’t you think?

So as I munched my hamburger, Logan shared his troubled homeless life. He was orphaned because he was born with physical deformities. He was transferred and abused from one foster home to another. That’s when he started his collection of tattoos and piercings. Like most self-mutilators, the physical pain countered the mental anguish that had become his normal reality. Internally he was shouting for attention so he could expose the injustice of his prison institution. But the more he disfigured himself, the more he became invisible.

Then, just before he was to undergo metal horn implants on his forehead, he found Jesus. Someone actually stepped into his world and offered love. Fast forward to the present. Logan (who was surprisingly articulate) has since shared his story on countless occasions. Mister Invisible was now speaking in front of thousands. He has even flown to faraway places to share his adventure. I never knew he was quite a humble superstar. To be honest, he still suffers physically and mentally due to the years of abuse but he is definitely improving. He has a strong sense of humor and plays tricks on his therapist. (This week he shocked his therapist by leaving a mannequin on a toilet seat). He’s a cool dude. He is currently recovering from a recent operation because his internal organs were not where they normally should have been.

SIDELINE: I apologize to some of you readers who squirm at the mention of Christ’s name but this is part of his story. In deference to you, this is all I will say about his faith.

A dear friend who recently retired in comfort confessed he is bored and has been musing over what to do in retirement. Yesterday he called with an idea to start a program to help the homeless. (What a coincidence!) He had a novel idea to address this problem (I can’t share what it is yet) so I will be pulling some people together to see if this is a viable project. Who knows? Maybe this will be the start of something big. Maybe the invisible population will start to join the rest of society. Let me know if you are interested in participating.

Until then, TGIF people!

If you are interested, TRAVELING BOY has a first hand story about a man who was placed in a Mental Institution. See the world from his eyes. CLICK HERE.

If you like my emails, please do me a favor and spread them around. Thank you!

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“Great fences make great neighbors, but Wi-Fi passwords make better friends.” — Anonymous

“My neighbor’s BBQ is my weekend temptation.” — Anonymous

“Living next to me should come with a disclaimer sign.” — Anonymous

“Neighbors who listen turn ordinary days into therapy.”— Anonymous

“People who are homeless are not social inadequates. They are people without homes.” — Shiela McKenzie

“We have come dangerously close to accepting the homeless situation as a problem that we just can’t solve.” — Linda Lingle

“Was I always going to be here? No I was not. I was going to be homeless at one time, a taxi driver, truck driver, or any kind of job that would get me a crust of bread. You never know what’s going to happen.” — Morgan Freeman

“Seven out of 10 Americans are one paycheck away from being homeless.” — Pras Michel

“Jesus asked the Pharisees and experts in the law, ‘Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath or not?’ But they remained silent. So taking hold of the man, he healed him and sent him on his way. Then he asked them, ‘If one of you has a child or an ox that falls into a well on the Sabbath day, will you not immediately pull it out?’ And they had nothing to say.” — Luke 14: 3-6

“He answered, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ’You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’ But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, ‘And who is my neighbor?’” — Luke 10: 27-29

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Alex of La Puente, CA

MEMES of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles

Thanks to Kathy of North Dakota

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, California

Thanks to Norm of Encino, California

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, California

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

I found this:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

Got any good jokes? Come share it with rest of us!
Know someone who enjoys a laugh? Share this email.

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The post Suspicious appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Four Ladies and Me

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes below.

Last week, my wife had a board retreat in Palm Springs so I tagged along. Most of the time, when I join my wife’s work activities, I just stay in our hotel room. You see, I’m not really into traveling and I don’t really care for the long rides — be it on a boat, or in a float … in a train, or on a plane … on a van or on a tram … I do not like them, Sam I am! Nope, hate wasting my time like that. I can’t wait for Elon Musk to invent a teleportation machine and say — “beam me up Scotty!” But we are not there yet. This time I rode a tramway to the top of the world with four sweet ladies.

These ladies were the wives of the other board members who, like me, had nothing better to do. They invited me to join them ride the famous Palm Springs Aerial Tramway. So famous in fact, I had never heard of it. Although the tram is one of those slow modes of transportation, I did accept the invitation and I did enjoy their company.

As I sat in the SUV, I recalled the many occasions I had been the only male surrounded by women. I dunno, they’re comfortable with me and I’m comfortable with them. And, remarkably, it’s usually four of them. I grew up with four sisters — maybe that’s why. But being comfortable wasn’t always the case. I used to be an introvert … especially when it came to women.

GROWING UP IN AN ALL-BOYS SCHOOL
In Grade School, boys were supposed to hate girls. Remember those days? Boys were not supposed to be interested in girly things. But that changed dramatically when we hit the puberty years in High School. Those were the crazy years. We fought for independence and coolness. The rebellious ones started smoking and drinking. Suddenly I (and the rest of my pimpled classmates) started noticing the other gender. As a whole, we were truly ignorant of the female species. We didn’t know what they were interested in. How did you start a conversation? Surely they liked basketball and boxing and Kung Fu movies, right?

This is how innocent we were: I remember planning for our first dance party. Yup! We were going to meet the “enemy.” We didn’t know how to dance so the weekend before, we decided to practice. Naturally, nobody knew how. However, my best friend, Fernando, came up with this weird dance move where we created an imaginary square and where we stepped on the edges of the square in a clockwise motion and just wiggled our arms around. We thought that was better than nothing. You should have seen us on the actual dance floor counting 1-2-3-4 … 1-2-3-4 … like robots. I think the girls thought it was a new dance craze.

First year of college was exciting. For the first time, we were going to school with these mysterious creatures. Many of the girls had similarly come from all-girl schools so both sexes were discovering the other. You could have seen the hormones flying. And this was the first time I found myself with 4 women friends. I don’t know how it happened but it did. They were the pretty “mean girls” and I was the token boy. There was no romance. We just enjoyed hanging out. I have long lost my connection with any of them. In later years I’ve had similar clumps of women friends — also without any romance. And I have no idea where they are now. Do you know of any other groups like mine? Was this common?

BACK TO THE PRESENT
You would think that, with all my “extensive experience” with women friends, that I’d be an expert in understanding these creatures, but no. Women are still as unpredictable as ever. In fact, I just recently lost a dear friend because of something I said. Not even sure what I said but it hurt her deeply. Instead of helping, I made things worse. Some “expert,” right? (Or is this not a guy and gal thing but a “people” thing?) One of the problems is men want women to be more like men and women want men to be more like women. And, when men treat women like men, they find out they should have treated them like women. Confused? Well, so am I.

It’s Mother’s Day this coming Sunday. To all you mothers out there (in behalf of all of the men) thank you for putting up with us. We may not understand you and you may drive us crazy but you did a heck of a job raising our kids (better than we could have alone) and you make the world fun and exciting!

TGIF people!

If you subscribed to my email blast, you should know that I am trying out this new mailing program. I’m still adjusting to the system. Please let me know if you are having any problems receiving this email. And, if you receive this email by mistake, please accept my apology and let me know you wish to unsubscribe. Thank you!

QUOTES OF THE WEEK

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” — Genesis 1:27

“Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.” — Jill Shalvis

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking.” — Elayne Boosler

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.” — Joseph Conrad

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” — Genesis 2:18

“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” — Ephesians 5:33

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Joe of Los Angeles, CA

MEMES of the Week

Thanks to James of Los Angeles

Thanks to Kathy of North Dakota

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, California

Thanks to Norm of Encino, California

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena, California

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these:

Got any good jokes? Come share it with rest of us!
Know someone who enjoys a laugh? Share this website.

The post Anger Management appeared first on Traveling Boy.

Garage Door Repair

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes.

Today’s topic is a little bit different because I put on my repair hat and I think it’ll be good for you (who own a home with a garage door) to know what is involved in its expensive repair. Hopefully, I will save you some time and money.

THE DO-IT-YOURSELF PHASE
My garage door suddenly died. I clicked on the remote — nothing! I clicked on the wall switch — nothing! No lighting … no sound … nothing! That began my adventure to the wonderful world of garage door repair.

Off the bat, I knew it had to be the circuitry … ie. an electronic problem (and not a mechanical problem) because if it were mechanical, the light would have turned on and I would have heard the motor running. I stared at the garage circuit box overhead for a long time. “How do I open you up? Where will I find the circuit board and will I be able to pinpoint the defective diode (resistor or capacitor)?” I’m hoping it’s just a simple fuse. And then I reminded myself that I’m a senior citizen now and falling off a step ladder would most certainly bring death by a thousand slings of arrows of outrageous fortune. In plain terms, “do I really want to do this?”

A neighbor recently had to replace her garage door remote and it cost her $800. Shock! Being the legendary cheapskate that I am, I boldly went where no cheapskate had gone before. I accepted the challenge! I mean, how hard could it be?

My Dad inspired me to fix things ever since I was a kid. I was his reluctant weekend assistant whenever our blue Chevrolet station wagon broke down. Our garage was full of opened radios,TVs and broken electronic trophies that I tinkered with to discover their inner workings. I also went to the Don Bosco Technical Institute (a private High School for boys) and took vocational mechanics – I learned how to arc weld and acetelyne torch … how to operate a lathe machine and a milling machine. I learned drafting and understood schematic diagrams — so I knew a thing or two about repairs. With all my illustrious technical achievements, no garage door apparatus was going to scare me.

It was a strain on my aging muscles to unscrew that overhead case but I finally got that circuit board out — a marvelous piece of wired-up, worthless junk. I did a visual and sniffed for anything burned — nothing! But I was dead certain it was the culprit … it was the only logical explanation. I got the model number and surfed the web but that part was “discontinued.” I called numerous repair shops but nobody carried it and there were even some hostile garage companies that dropped the phone saying: “We don’t sell parts! We only replace garage doors!” For ordinary DIYs (Do It Yourself-ers) that would have been enough discouragement. But not stupid ol’ me. No, I am of a different breed of stupidity!

My last hope was Ebay and suddenly, there in this lonely shop 10 miles away from me, was the illusive part! The model number checked out. The picture was identical … and all for $50! That looked like a real bargain! I purchased it and drove to a dinky grage room in a motor home. The Mexican owner was an electrician with his own cluttered trophies of opened TVs and electronics. “No hablo ingles, pero aqui tiene su Circuit board!” I made sure there weren’t any snooping federal agents, dug into my trench coat and handed him the cold cash. The “drug deal” was complete.

Back home, I slid the new circuit board in and voila! When I hit the remote, the light turned on and the motor started turning, I imagined a parade of angels started marching down the garage, a clarion of trumpets played “Oh When the Saints Come Marching in” … but the fanfare stopped when I noticed that the gate was still not moving up. Something else was wrong!

I figured (this time) it was a moving part. Searched Youtube University for other desperate souls that shared their garage nightmare and came to the conclusion that the culprit was a white plastic gear the size of a top that was worn out. Unfortunately, my internet search proved once again that the part was also “discontinued.” Alas, that was the end of the road. Even though I had the energy to continue the repair, the gods of garage parts no longer smiled at me. Reluctantly, I called the one shop that would send over a technician right away.

THE PROFESSIONAL
Ivan came with a red truck carrying all sorts of parts. I sized him up. He did the same. “I’ll charge you $700.” I said “$500.” He said “no.” I said “see ya!” He pondered and said he didn’t come all the way here for nothing. So we shook at $600. Later, I searched for the price of the garage kit and it was less than $300. Doing the math, this guy’s 2 hour labor was going to cost me $350. For a cheapskate like me, that’s a lot but I was desperate to get it done. (Commentary: Why go to college for a non-existent job to eventually get paid $20 an hour to flip burgers and straddle a student loan when you can learn a trade and get paid $150 an hour? Think about that!)

The repair was so simple. You replace everything but the side rollers. You replace the wall control, the two side sensors, the horizontal belt drive, the 2 remote controls and the garage circuit box. I could have done it myself … maybe not as fast but I could have figured it out. It was done in 2 hours.

REAL TIPS:
Next time your garage door malfunctions, learn from my mistakes. Don’t even try finding parts (they make new models ever so often) so they do not stock up on discontinued parts. Just buy the garage door opener kit which costs $250. Fix it yourself or buy the kit and haggle for labor cost. You’ll sleep better, you’ll keep the missus happy and you won’t die a Shakespearean death.

TGIF people!

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Quotes of the Week

“Measure twice, cut once, swear silently.” — Anonymous

“When in doubt, use more duct tape.” — Anonymous

“No Worries, I watched the safety video.”— Anonymous

“The acknowledgment of our weakness is the first step in repairing our loss.” — Thomas a Kempis

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” — Luke 14:28

“The masons and stonecutters. They purchased timber and blocks of dressed stone for the repair of the temple of the LORD, and met all the other expenses of restoring the temple.” — 2 Kings 12:12

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, California

Parting Shots

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Jacob of Whittier, CA

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

Got any good jokes? Come share it with rest of us!
Know someone who enjoys a laugh? Share this website.

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The post A Gilligan Question appeared first on Traveling Boy.

My Japanese Friend

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes. Today’s article is sublime.

I have a breakfast meeting every Monday morning at a fast food restaurant. It’s supposed to be a business meeting where we exchange referrals but it has evolved to more of an excuse for us to get out of our daily routine and unwind. We’ve known each other for over 15 years. When we solve all the world’s problems we separate to our own lives. Dan was one of us.

Dan was a quiet Japanese-American married to Jan. He and Jan were two peas in a pod — always together for 41 years. Long since retired, they decided to sell purified water, medicinal mushroom patches, and other alternative health supplements. They were walking samples of their ware because both looked very young for their age. They were the sweetest couple you would ever meet. No trace of hostility … always ready to help with beaming generous smiles. They would always share a Japanese treat to go with our coffee. Dan was hard at hearing so he struggled to keep up with our gossip. Jan used to interpret what we were saying until Dan decided to do his Day Trading hobby in another table while Jan mingled with the rest of us.

Dan and I would exchange stock trading tips every time. Thanks to him, I got out of Bitcoin with a good profit before Bitcoin tanked. Dan loved to fish … and I mean deep-sea Tuna fishing. He would go on an overnight boat trip with a group of guys with sophisticated fishing tackles and reel those silver monsters in. A few times, he would share a pound of fresh juicy red tuna strips with me. It was gastronomical heaven for my wife and I. Other times I would get these unexpected phone calls on Wednesdays: “Raoul, are you doing anything for lunch? It’s Taco Wednesday! Tacos only cost a dollar today!” Who could resist an invitation from this thrifty old man?

Dan was in the upstairs bedroom last Wednesday early morning (the same day I was having my colonoscopy) while Jan slept downstairs. He went downstairs to check on something early morning and must have tripped on something on his way back up. Jan woke up at her usual time at 7am and she found Dan mumbling on the floor. The paramedics came and the doctors guessed it was a stroke. Even if they revived him, his senses were already gone. They kept him alive with a machine for his children to say their goodbyes. Sadly, they pulled the plug on Thursday.

What a way to go. What a full life. What a loss for the rest of us. Dan was a believer. He loved the Lord. We prayed the last time we had our Taco lunch just a week before. We prayed for our Monday group. I know he is in a better place. I’m sure you have similar stories about friends and loved ones who died unexpectedly. Life isn’t a bed of roses, huh?

I imagine Dan reading his bucket list in heaven. Did he do all he said he would do? Was that expensive hearing aid worth the little time he enjoyed it? Should he have eaten more of those chocolate bars he avoided? Did he say enough for his family to know how much he loved them? Should he have fixed that squeaky door he promised Jan to fix? Should they have taken that trip to Alaska? Should he have cleaned up the junk collection (a pair for each useless item) instead of leaving them for Jan to clean? He must be glad he prepared that Living Trust and paid for burial expenses.

Last Monday our group listened to Jan as she shared what she was going through. She said they hardly had long conversations … his deafness didn’t help. She talked about the children and the arrangements for the cremation. I’m sure she had a lot more to say but the traffic of a thousand thoughts must have entered the room. Before we dismissed ourselves, we made a pact that none of us would die … at least not before next Monday.

Death brings so much unfinished business to the table. Dan’s passing reminds me of a lot of cleaning, a lot of paperwork and a lot of loving I need to do. What’s in your bucket list? Are you prepared to go?

My wife and I just watched the romantic masterpiece — “Pride and Prejudice.” After the movie I smothered my wife with kisses calling her “Mrs. Pascual … Mrs. Pascual … Mrs. Pascual.” (Watch the last scene of the movie if you don’t get it.)

TGIF people!

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Quotes of the Week

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers.” — Demetri Martin

“I don’t mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.” — George Axelrod

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen

“Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.” — Groucho Marx

“I’m not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can’t do it.” — Robert Schimmel

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?” — George Carlin

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow … but phone calls taper off.” — Johnny Carson

“Having your whole life flash before your eyes as you die is basically the ultimate binge-watch.” — Bridger Winegar

“I have a long-standing friendship with death. When it comes, I will ask her to sit down and relax, then I’ll suggest to her champagne. Because, in fact, I’m a coward.” — Salvador Dalí

“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.” — Bob Monkhouse

“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.’ Do you believe this?” — John 11:25-26

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” — Philippians 1:21-23

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” — Romans 8:38-39

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Andre of South America

A paraprosdokian is a rhetorical device featuring an unexpected, often humorous twist at the end of a sentence, forcing the listener to re-evaluate the beginning.

This isn’t really new but I thought it was still funny.

Parting Shots

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

Got any good jokes? Come share it with rest of us!
Know someone who enjoys a laugh? Share this email.

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The post Paraprosdokians appeared first on Traveling Boy.

The Joys of Colonoscopy

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes.

Hoo Hah! I just had my insides probed by a staff of three. It was supposed to start at 3:30pm but it actually began 2 hours later. As soon as I get back in shape I’m going to chasten the scheduler in the gastroenterology department. I didn’t want to say anything before the procedure otherwise I would have been at the mercy of those guys. That’s one of the things I realized as I waited in that lonely cubicle: I felt so helpless. There I was lying in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out and prepped up for the operation, naked underneath the flimsy hospital gown. My biggest concern: what to do if there was a 9.5 earthquake or a fire alarm sounded or Godzilla were to attack — I would have to had run out butt naked and then interviewed by a CNN reporter.

I wondered how different things would have been if I were someone important like Elon Musk. I bet he’d go through the whole waiting and probing procedure in half an hour. But even he probably would have had to drink all that nauseating concoction to clear his intestines like us ordinary humans. (Unless of course, he’s really an alien from another planet.) Isn’t it reassuring that rich boys also grow old so one day they will also face the operating table? Think of all the aging celebrities — plastic surgery can fake the appearance but their clocks still tick to their appointment with agonizing, excruciatingly painful death — just like the rest of us.

This hospital does about 64 colonoscopies a day. Yesterday, when I had mine, they had been doing over 70 for several days. Ka-ching! No wonder the facilities can afford to look so clean. No wonder there were so many personnel bustling about. That place was a beehive of activities. It was like I was in the middle of the soap opera General Hospital TV show – there was the pretty receptionist doing nothing but answer phone calls, the unkempt guy with the ruffled haircut pushing carts here and there, the respected all-knowing surgeon with the gray hair and glasses, the sweet caring nurse, the serious nurse who carried the weight of the world on her shoulder, and there were the guest stars — patients like me.

“When was the last time you ate solid food? Why? Didn’t you read the instructions?” said Nurse Serious.

“I’m so sorry for the wait,” said Nurse Compassionate. “There is one patient ahead of you … well, actually two … but don’t you worry, we’ll get to you eventually … I hope. Think positive! Would you like an extra blanket?”

“Hi I’m Doctor Colonoscopy. No, I can’t shake your germ infested hand. See the gray hair? See the tired eyes? You’re my 70th patient today. Relax! I’ve had 20 cups of coffee so I’m good … just goooood! A little shaky but none of my patients have died … yet! We’ll wheel you in now – Nya ha ha!”

“Hello Mr. Raoul, welcome to the operating room. Please lie on your left side. Smile for the camera! No need to be shy, I’m the guy from Beta Phi … I’m certified or hope to die! I’m the practicing doctor and we’re gonna have a fun time tonight! Nurse, crank up that funky music! Yeah baby! Get down tonight! Get down … get down .. get down … get down tonight!”

“Hello, I’m your nurse for today. And I’m just going to start the anesthesia and …”

The next thing I know, my wife is with me and the nurses are pushing us out of the hospital because I’m the last patient and they are anxious to go home.

When I get home, the world is still spinning around and I crash to bed. I sleep soundly for 5 hours … best sleep I ever had! I can’t wait to do this again! Not!

SERIOUS COLONOSCOPY TIPS
I was given written instructions but (men aren’t good with instructions so) I had to call to make sure I was doing things right. If you are planning to have a colonoscopy soon, and you’re as confused as I was with the instructions to prepare for the procedure, here’s my unprofessional medical advice.

You will be given a list of medications to buy. But the only one you really need is the Miralax (or Purelax or any of the other laxative brands). The goal is to ingest something to make you empty your stomach. Anything else beyond that is just to make it easier on you. Before I had a whole gallon of this absolutely yucky “coconut juice” I needed to drink — made me throw up and poop. This new procedure is better tasting. I didn’t throw up.

In the morning before my colonoscopy scheduled for 3:30pm, I didn’t eat anything solid the whole day. In a pitcher, I mixed eight laxative powder caps (using the bottle cap as a measure) with 2 half bottles of Gatoraid (preferably with zero sugar and not the flavor with a red dye). I had to consume the pitcher within an hour. I drank 3 whole pitchers in 3 timed intervals. (For me it was from 4pm, then 7pm and then 10 am the next morning which was the day of the colonoscopy). There’s a recommendation for Laxative pills (to soften the stool) and Gas-x (to relieve gas pain) but I don’t think they were necessary. The Purelax was good enough to flush everything out.

On the day of the operation, wear comfortable clothing, bring your Driver’s License and insurance card. Leave your wallet, rings and jewelry. You can bring your cell phone. You cannot come alone using Uber. You need a responsible adult to bring you there and take you home — warn that person to wait 3 to 4 hours. The actual probe only lasts 20 to 30 minutes but the hospital may overbook (like they did in my case). When they say you have to be there at 9:10. Be there by 9:10 — the prep time and wait time are already taken into account (in other words, no need to be there too early).

I hope you find this helpful. TGIF people!

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Quotes of the Week

“Laughter is the best medicine – unless you’re diabetic, then chocolate, insulin, crying, comes pretty high on the list.” — Jasper Carrott

“My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August.” — Ronnie Shakes

“I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.” — Rita Rudner

“Nineteen percent of doctors say that they’d be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.” — Jay Leno

“After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said: ‘No hablo ingles.'” — Ronnie Shakes

“I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done.” — Psalm 117:17

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life and have it to the full.” — John 10:10

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Parting Shots

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Barbara of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

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