Awkward

Laura, an old friend, passed away last week and Maristella (a close friend of Laura) decided to throw a religious death ritual. The intention was good but (unless Laura recently converted to another religion) I was pretty sure Laura did not believe in this tradition. Awkward, huh? Unfortunately for Laura, she had no say in the matter. A funny thought came to mind: I imagined Laura rolling out of her grave and appearing in the middle of all the long prayers demanding whose bright idea this was and everybody pointed to Maristella. Snap! That Kodak moment would have gone viral.

Have you ever been so embarrassed that you wanted to melt like ice cream in the Sahara desert? Let me share one awkward situation several years ago.

My family was assigned to read a few verses in church during Advent of the Christmas season. Our 3 kids were still very young and it was always a gargantuan effort to arrive in church on time. That fateful morning all hell broke loose: my wife was doing her makeup and I was packing up the diapers and milk bottles while memorizing my line … all the while counting down the clock before departure. It was a miracle that we got to the church with moments to spare.

The stage director motioned to us to get backstage and prepare to deliver our lines. Looking down to pray that everything would run smoothly, I noticed my shoes were of different colors. To my shock, one was brown, the other was black. Horror of horrors! My wife noticed it too. We looked at each other in disbelief. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Go! Go!” cried the stage director.

We catapulted into the middle of the huge congregation with our red tomato faces. We never dared look down. Thank God the kids were adorable and got the attention. We said our lines. We walked out biting our tongues with serious piety. No one even noticed. Then we laughed and laughed.

Ahh life … and death. With our sense of humor, the bloopers and traditions make living as exciting as … as a Fiddler on the Roof!

TGIF People!

“The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.” – Mark Twain

“In my culture, there’s a tradition that when you’re in an overwhelming situation and you don’t know what to do, you put yourself in a woman’s shoes.” – Ang Lee, director of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, California

Parting Shots

Thanks to Mike of New York

Thanks to Maling of New Manila, Philippines

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre. CA

Thanks to Garie of Paranaque, Philippines

I found these

The Traveling Boy

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

Got any good jokes? Come share it with rest of us!
Send me an email.

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Conversations With Myself: INDULGENCES

Do you know what indulgences are? They were invented during the infamous inquisition by the church fathers to allow parishioners to buy their way to heaven. This is the reason why Martin Luther, “protested” against the practice and eventually started the “Protestant” movement. So I was surprised when I received a text from an old classmate who was excited about something he learned in church. Below is an imaginary conversation I had with Me, Myself and I.

ME: “Good news! I just learned that you can earn spiritual points towards heaven whenever you kiss this golden amulet. Not only that, wearing it also gives you more points. Wait! Wait! It gets even better — attend as many processions while wearing it, and they all add up to many more points!”

I: Remained quiet. Didn’t know how to react to that.

MYSELF: “That’s great! BTW, how many total points does one need to get to heaven?”

ME: “Don’t be silly. No one really knows.”

I: “Is it a thousand points? A million points? A gazillion points?”

ME: “I can’t give you a definite number. But I know it’s a lot.”

MYSELF: “So how many points do you have already?”

ME: “Don’t be silly. I can’t even begin to count. This is automatically tabulated. Somehow, someone in heaven is keeping track.”

I: “So for sure, you are way ahead of us on this one.”

ME: “I guess so. But don’t worry, I can ask God to give you some of my points.”

MYSELF: “Well that’s mighty kind of you. But what if I need more than what you are offering me? After all, I’m so far behind that even if you give me all of your points, I still won’t have enough to get to heaven. I’ve been a very bad boy, you know.”

I: “If I carry two amulets, will that double my points? What if I decide to give some of my points to my wife. I know she’s been a naughty girl too (he! he! he!). And wouldn’t my generosity to her also add to my points? What a great deal! Who decides these rules anyway?”

ME: “My priest tells me all of this and he is beyond reproach. You can’t question him. He’s studied these things for years. It is beyond what either of us can comprehend. Besides, millions of people believe this. Millions of people can’t be wrong … can they? If you are coming to the amulet meeting tonight, you need to bring your own amulet.”

MYSELF: Looking down at his cell phone. “Hey, lookie here! There’s a sale for golden amulets at Walmart! It says they’re gold-plated … made in China … two for $10.”

WARNING: Spiritual Topic

To live by grace or to live by rules. There is a choice. You can live earning your salvation and never knowing if you earned enough. Or you can accept that it is impossible to do enough and instead latch on to the free gift of salvation by trusting in Christ. When they say “Jesus died for your sins” —- it means He doesn’t need your “contribution” to complete His sacrifice. This may sound either too simplistic or too complex. Indeed this is a difficult concept. Common sense is not enough. Much prayer is needed before this puzzle can be unlocked. Let this sink in. And yes, I’m praying for you.

“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” — 1 Corinthians 15:56 – 57

Thanks to all who prayed for my health. I’m almost fully recovered from Covid. Still have a cough. Although it was mild, I’m pretty certain things would have turned out so much worse if I didn’t get vaccinated because I’ve had flu before but this had a different sensation. Maybe it’s my imagination but I felt it was a set of foreign bionic anti-bodies that were battling with the virus. I’m just speaking for myself here.

TGIF people!

Raoul

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Peter Paul of S Pasadena. CA

Parting Shots

Thanks to Ed

Thanks to Lee of Bakersfield

These I found

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