Home Creatures

Something went wrong with the program that launches my TGIF email. I couldn’t finish my email for this week, the way I want to. Sorry if you were hoping for some profound thoughts or interesting story but I’ve run out of time.  I’ll just share a short story about the creatures in my home.

I’ve moved my office to the living room because our dog, Tonka, was feeling lonely. At first I didn’t know why he was howling like a wolf until I realized he only howled when my wife would leave for work. I figured that Tonka was actually mourning — mourning every morning (groan!) because I used to lock myself in my cave during office hours and Tonka would be left alone until my wife’s return at the end of the day. The 3 cats somehow weren’t enough to keep her happy. So here I am finishing my TGIF email in the living room to keep Tonka company. Still getting used to the dog licking my legs and the 3 cats parading in front of my computer — teasing me to pet them.

When our Shitzu passed away I was so heartbroken and I said I didn’t want any more pets. But my wife and daughter had other ideas. I resisted but it was futile. Now I’m surrounded by 4 furry animals everyday. It’s not fair!  I don’t feed them, I don’t do any of the heavy lifting… I just give them a massage. Sigh!

Be safe, be healthy, and remember: God created pets to be loved even by pet haters like me. TGIF people!

Raoul

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Don of Kelowna, B.C.  for sharing this joke.

Video: Priestly Blessing

Thanks to Jayjay of Makati, Philippines
A humorous short clip of a priest blessing a child.

Video: A Man, A Dog and A Hummingbird

Thanks to Don of Kelowna, B.C.
Heartwarming: I didn’t know you could train hummingbirds. I see them in my garden all the time. Cute and fast little creatures.

Don’s Puns

Thanks to Don of Kelowna, B.C. who sent this pun.

Parting Shots (Senior Special)

Thanks to Mel of Washington D.C. for 2 senior gags

Also from Mel

We end with a set of Senior gags from Tom of Pasadena, CA

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One Year Old Cat

It was an uphill battle from the start. Like the heroes of the Star Trek series realized, the Borg were just too powerful — resistance was futile. Similarly, resistance to the charms of that feline was futile. The creature that my wife and daughter connived to bring into our home was out to get me from day one. I knew cat hair would pile up. I knew cat food coming in (feeding) and coming out (pooping) would be a daily routine … so would the expensive visits to the vet. I avoided it for months but it kept coming to me for scratches and massages. It was terrible. I was used. I was manipulated by an expert. Those ever-curious eyes that glowed in the dark, the gentle pushes for attention when we were in bed, the routines of meeting me halfway down the stairs — who could resist?

I dug up this old story that Naomi of N Hollywood sent me back in 2014. It reminded me so much of my predicament today. We’ve all had trouble with our animals but I don’t think anyone can top this one:

The New Cat Toy

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I’m lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.

The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife’s wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.

Initially, the new acquisition was no problem …then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

“Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.”

“You know where the button is,” I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. “Reset it yourself!”

“But I’m scared!” she persisted. “What if it starts going and sucks me in?” There was a meaningful pause and then, “C’mon, it’ll only take you a second.”

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn’t the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. At the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a “fight or flight” syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the “flight” option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of “been-there, done-that” paramedics.

Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter … and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. “What’s the matter?” They all asked, “Cat got your tongue?”

If they only knew!

If you don’t have pets, take it from me, don’t even consider it. If you already succumed to the temptation, you have my sympathy. May the animals in your home keep you out of trouble! TGIF people!

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Don of Kelowna, B.C. for sending this joke.

Video of the Week

Tim Conway: The Dentist
Sent by Don of Kelowna, B.C.

One of our favorite comedians passed away this week. Don requested that, in his honor, we share one of his beloved skits. Goodbye Tim. Thanks for all the laughter.

Don’s Puns

From Don’s collection of puns

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. 

Interesting Video of the Week

Sent by Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Watch “How Amazon Spies on Americans with Face-Rekognition.” This is pretty long but this guy presents it with wit and humor.

Parting Shot

Thanks to Don of Kelowna, B.C. who shared this.

The post Hard Working Children of Israel appeared first on Traveling Archive.

October 27, 2017
Headed for the Fire

Halloween is almost here and I just got a very scary announcement. It’s official! My friend John pulled it off. He got all the grant money needed for us to go back to Nigeria.

FYI, there is a Travel Alert for people who are dumb enough to go to Africa. I guess they were speaking to dumb ol’ me because am still going. I may be dumb; but John is crazy. This will be his 10th trip to Nigeria. International news say that ISIS has lost its stronghold in Iraq and have dissipated into neighboring countries like Africa. I’m still going. There will be several important business holiday events I will miss but there’s no turning back. I will miss my cozy family Thanksgiving dinner in exchange for thousands of strange faces in a faraway land called Abujah. Crazy, huh?

To be honest, I’m a little apprehensive. I actually prayed that something would happen to prevent my trip but it seems like “someone” really wants me there. My back isn’t in the greatest shape. In fact, my joints aren’t as healthy as they used to be. I wonder if my going there will really make a difference and inspire the concept of entrepreneurship to a country with 80% unemployment. If you were given a chance, would you go? Wanna take my place?

The last time I was there they hung to every business advice I gave them. That was quite a responsibility. Between each session, I would draw caricatures and the lines were so long. I actually ran out of sketch paper and ink. In doing that, I think they realized that one could actually start a business with just a pen and paper.

I remember Moses (in his retirement age) was reluctant to go back to Egypt. He came up with lots of excuses to prove that he was the least qualified to rescue the Hebrews from the oppressive Egyptians. But God said his weakness was precisely why he chose Moses — so people will realize it was God and not Moses who was working the miracles. God practically pushed the coward into action. We all remember how God used him in such an amazing way in the book of Exodus.

Far be it that I compare myself to a great man but I certainly understand the self-doubt Moses must have gone through. If Moses was a worthless flea, I am a worthless bacteria of that flea. And if God wants to really “show his magnificence” I’m the best “worthless” creature to work with.

So I cherish your prayers and good wishes. Please pray that I be sensitive to the needs of those precious Nigerians. May God bless our trip.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!'”

— Isaiah 6: 8

TGIF people!

Denture Referral

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena who shared this joke

A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures in the morning.

His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.

“Is that so?” asked the first old guy. “Did he do a good job ?”

The second oldster replied, “Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when some asshole on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the groin.”

The first old guy was confused and asked, “What the heck does that have to do with your dentures?”

“It was the first time in two years my teeth didn’t hurt.”

Parting Shot

Thanks to Peter Paul of South Pasadena who provided this photo

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