Funny Guys

Gary Lising was a Filipino comedian — the Rodney Dangerfield of the Philippines. What he lacked in beauty he certainly made up with his fertile wit. Someone shared a story about Gary this morning that really made me laugh. It wiped some of my stress away. So I dug up some of his jokes which I share with you today. Hopefully, the punch lines don’t get lost in the translation.

Gary said he wished he would die peacefully in his sleep just like his grandfather … who fell asleep behind the wheel and not like the passengers of the bus.

When it was time to introduce the keynote speaker, Gary walked up to the podium and introduced the [simple-minded] president and said, “President Estrada is a man who does not know the meaning of the word fear. He does not know the meaning of the word corruption. He does not know the meaning of the word dishonesty. There are many words he does not know the meaning of.”

Gary is proud of his very Catholic upbringing: “I’m very close to the Cardinal,” he said. “Even as a boy, the Cardinal was very religious because of the influence of his father … who was also a priest.”

“I feel fulfilled when I see my son,” Gary confides. “He’s very handsome. He looks like my driver.”

“I’ve been married for years and I’m still in love with the same girl. My wife will kill me if she finds out.”

“My wife has a Supreme Court figure – no appeal.”

Gary’s Definitions:

Conversation: Conversation is when three women stand on the corner talking. Gossip is when one of them leaves.

Cosmetics: Cosmetics are a woman’s means of keeping men from reading between the lines.

Courtship: I like her because she doesn’t “No” much.

Gold diggers: Some girls will only go out with a man who is tall, dark and has some.

Showgirl: More show than girl.

Stingy: He orders asparagus and leaves the waiter the tips.

Ugly: With a face like mine, I could sue my parents for damages.

Thank God for funny guys like Gary. They certainly color our world.

TGIF people!

Raoul

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Peter Paul of South Pasadena, CA for sharing this joke.

Don’s Puns

Sent by Don of Kelowna, B.C.

VIDEO: Pinoy’s Got Talent

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA for sharing this video of Marcelito Pomoy’s unusual audition. This guy’s been going around the entertainment circuit. He’s pretty popular.

VIDEO: Beach Ball

Thanks to Tony of Southern CA for sharing this short and funny clip.

Parting Shots

Thanks to Naomi of North Hollywood who shared this:

The post Difficult Name appeared first on Traveling Archive.

Sunny Skies, Sleep, and the Morning

I must have eaten a pound of sugar last night because I couldn’t sleep. My mind was in overdrive. I tossed and turned, tapped my fingers to the beat of a clock, took deep breaths, read until my eyes got heavy, watched a boring show — nothing. So getting up early for a morning meeting was weird — wide awake and tired already. To add to the strange awakening, the morning clouds prevented the bright sunlight from filtering through. It even drizzled a little. A drizzle in a heat wave! How weird is that? There was a battle between rain and sun because at 9 AM, the golden rays had yet to emerge. However, by noon, solar power proved to be the victor. And there above the heavens our star boasted it’s majesty for most of the day.

The heat here in California is affecting my concentration. I feel like a prize fighter waiting for the final bell to end a match that has dragged far too long.  Stamina! Stamina! I need to hold on till the end of the day.

I wish I could leave you with something profound but there’s nothing up in the attic of my brain but a pile of melted scattered ideas.

Of course I’m exaggerating.  And life’s still good.  But I certainly wish your day is better than mine. If not, as a consolation, I hope at least my collection of jokes this week will snap you out of your doldrums … even for just a moment.

TGIF people!

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Peter Paul of South Pasadena, CA for sending this joke.

Video of the Week

Two Crooners
Sent by Don of Kelowna, B.C.

Don’s Puns

From Don’s collection of puns

Parting Shot

Thanks to Terry of Santa Monica, CA who shared this.

The Good, the Bad, and the … meow!

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