Idiot Brother

Raoul’s Two Cents: January 23, 2026

Barber Nightmare

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes.

I did it again! I cut my hair … all by myself … and it’s bad … really bad!

If you’ve been a subscriber of my silly emails, you’ll remember I shared my harrowing story about this Korean hairdresser who just opened her business and didn’t know what a buzz cut was: “Buzz-a cut? What this Buzz-a cut?” I had to search for a buzz-cut picture on my phone to show her so she could understand. Needless to say, she did an awful job. My wife thought it was awful too and warned me never to return.

Fast forward, here I was again with the same woman. Over the years she had learned how to execute a buzz cut well. But, over the years, her price had doubled. It only took about fifteen minutes and it was done. So I was thinking: “Twenty bucks for this? How difficult would it be if I cut my own hair with a proper trimmer?”

The next day I researched on YouTube how to cut my own hair. According to the expert, equipped with a trimmer and a small mirror, I could stand in front of my bathroom mirror and get it done quickly and cheaply. My friend Oswald even told me he trims his own hair all the time even though his Mom is a hairdresser. He even told me what kind of trimmer to buy.

My hair grew longer and, when it was time for a haircut, I bought a trimmer (which was about the same price as my haircut) but I was too scared to use it. I let it sit beside my bathroom sink. There it sat for a month. Everyday I brushed my teeth, I saw the box smiling at me. “When ya gonna do it, handsome? When ya gonna do it?” The taunting grew louder as my hair grew longer. “What’s the matter? Are you chicken?” the box laughed. The practical side of me was saying I should just get my hair done by the professional Korean lady. But the cheapskate side of me reminded me I already spent money on the trimmer and provoked me to take the challenge.

The Dream

Last Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day. The words of Dr. King echoed in my head: “I have a dream … to cut my own hair!” I looked out the window for a sign. The birds were chirping love songs, the roses were in bloom, and the clouds parted as the angelic hosts directed the rays of the sun towards the box of my trimmer. “By golly, this is the day that the Lord hath made! We will rejoice and be glad in it!“

I opened the box and I marveled at the engineering of this gadget — imagine this little thing will give me the power to end the careers of many a barber! I started with my sideburns. Zing! I was shocked! My right ear was completely exposed. Dang! I forgot to put on a spacer! I overdid it but I couldn’t stop. Zing! Zing! Zing! Clumps of hair fell on the bathroom tiles. All of my front hair was gone. Even with a mirror, the backside was impossible to see. Deciding what was left and right in the mirror was challenging. Those YouTube experts lied! This was ridiculous! By the time I was done, hair was all over the bathroom … except on my head! This wasn’t a dream. This was a war zone nightmare! My scalp looked like a landmine .. a Killing Field! There were spots that were completely shaved off and spots where strands of hair hung on like rice stalks. I became a captured shaven Nazi prostitute after the war ready to be ridiculed by the world. I was doomed to wearing a hat for the next 2 weeks.

You can tell a lot about a person by his hair. Bald spots say you’re past your youth. White hair announces how old you are. Facial hair says you’re a macho macho man. Manicured eyebrows say you may NOT be a macho macho man. And when your hair looks like the mine-infested Killing Fields, you’re the idiot who should have paid a professional to do his hair. Can you relate to this?

TGIF people!

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Quotes of the Week

“Blessed are the hairstylists, for they bring out the beauty in others.” — Anonymous

“Be nice to your hairstylist. We can ruin your self-esteem for six months in fifteen minutes.” — Anonymous

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” — Proverbs 16:31

“Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.” — Luke 12:7

“But the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.” — Samson in the Book of Judges 16:22

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Jackie of Whittier, California for this classic joke.

Parting Shots

Thanks to James of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, CA

Thanks to Jennifer of Los Angeles, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA
A true statement.

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

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