The Legend of Macho Manny

Raoul’s Two Cents: November 7, 2025

Mountain Men

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes.

I will be heading out to a retreat at the Oak Glen Christian Center today. It’s been decades since I’ve been to the mountains of California. I don’t really know what to expect other than a mountain scenery, time for male-bonding (macho, macho, man! Hoo ha!) and a whole lot of Bible teaching.

The last time I went camping, I was in shape, and still able to play basketball. Now I’m balding, tummy protruding, bones creaking, and halfway deaf. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn’t it? Well at least I’m insured … at least I was when last checked … 5 years ago.

The camp memo said to dress warm, to bring a sleeping bag and to wear rough terrain shoes. So, I dug up my son’s old sleeping bag. I’m staring at it and wondering what it smells like. Afraid I’ll faint. I’m thinking, this will be a natural sleeping pill which I will need just in case the snoring among my 2 cabin-mates come to full crescendo. I decide to surprise myself when I get there. Of course, there’s this strong possibility that I will just suffocate from the fumes that have percolated inside that bag over the years. I wonder if dying from sleeping bag fumes is covered in my insurance.

I’m checking the price of mountain boots online. The lowest price is about $30. Thirty bucks for a weekend. Thirty bucks for something that I will never use again in my lifetime. Think of all the poor people in Bangladesh who could use that thirty bucks. Nah! I’ll just pray to God I don’t fall off the cliff … you know … I’m insured anyway, right?

The memo says there will be basketball. Immediately visions of my glory days hanging in the air in slow motion and dunking the ball with impunity flash before my eyes. But it is followed by a resounding crash landing as my withered bones splinter all over the court … my skull cracks open then my brain bounce off like a water balloon. Nah! I think I’ll skip basketball.

I’ll probably do some archery. I’m pretty good with a slingshot and a gun. When I was a kid, I shot birds in flight with my slingshot (I confess, I was heartless then). They didn’t call me bulls-eye-Raoul for nothing … come to think of it, they really didn’t call me that. It was all in my head.

Ping Pong! Now there’s the most un-macho game ever invented. You pump your muscles at the gym for months just to strike a puny little ball. Where’s the joy in that? The last time I played Ping Pong was 30 years ago. Do I really want to embarrass myself? I don’t think so.

Oh, there’s miniature golf! I’ve always wanted to learn the sport and pretend I’m a doctor. Maybe this will be the start of a beautiful hobby. I can see the headlines now: “Old Man Hits Hole in One, Breaks Centuries-Old Miniature Golf Record!” Wait! Wait! Wait! Old man?! Old man?! Who are they calling an “Old man?” Nah! I think I’ll just sit in a rocking chair with all the other old fogies and play Board Games meant for kids over 8 years old..

As I wonder why I signed up for this reality-check of my OLD-ness, I stop my delusions and have a moment of clarity. I’m not going to a retreat to relive my childhood. I’m going to commune with God … to appreciate His creation far away from the madding city life. Now that’s what camping is really all about — Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya! I think I’ll bring my guitar. Maybe I’ll write a song. I think I’m gonna have a grand time after all.

If you hear about a forest fire at Oak Glen, CA don’t worry about me. I’m insured.

Of course, this is just silly ol’ me. TGIF people! Have a wonderful weekend!

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Quotes of the Week

“Time spent amongst trees is never wasted time.” – Katrina Mayer

“And into the forest I go, to lose my mind and find my soul.” – John Muir

“Camping – because therapy is expensive.” – Anonymous

“Welcome To Our Campsite Where Friends And Marshmallows Get Toasted At The Same Time” – Anonymous

“Welcome To Our Camper. The Drinks Are Cold. The Laughs Are Loud. The Friendship Is Free.” – Unknown

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.” — Psalm 96: 11-12

“How many are your works, LORD! In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures. There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number— living things both large and small.” — Psalm 104: 24-25

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, California

Parting Shots

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, California

Thanks to Rita of Malibu, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Joe of San Bernardino, CA

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

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