Forgotten Words

Raoul’s Two Cents: June 20, 2025

Dammit Gym!

I think I’m out of shape. The other day, I had to squat (to work on a painting) and I got dizzy and I had to hold on to the door knobs to get back up. This isn’t normal. I guess it’s official: the countdown to my expiry date has begun. Unless, of course, I get serious and exercise my way back to my former glory — when I had the body of a Greek god (I’m assuming Hepatitis B a Greek god?). Back in High School, I was swift as a deer and lean as a noodle. Now I’m more of a pregnant noodle with bobbing man boobs. Last Sunday two young guys at church invited me to mountain climb. An incongruous picture popped up in my head — moan-time climbing would be more accurate.

So I’ve been going to the gym these past days and all I can think of is Dr. Bones of Star Trek uttering his famous line: “Dammit Jim.” The treadmill is not my friend. I dread wasting my time with all these silly weights and metal contraptions enticing me to try them out. I guess this is payback for us city folk for developing an economy which killed the sport of running after woolly Mammoth.

I imagine sweat swirling all around me. This can’t possibly be healthy. Some people (especially the women) wear fashionable tight fitting leotards. I’ll never understand why they think tighter makes them thinner? Of course, others (especially the guys) come straight from their potato couches. I look at my wrinkled T-shirt and I realize I’m one of these losers!

I’m walking the dogs in the dreary sunny afternoon and I’m thinking: “Did cavemen have an obesity problem?” Probably not. And if there was an overweight outlier, Darwin’s theory (of the Survival of the Fittest) would have been certainly demonstrated — Big Boy Neanderthal would have been the delicious slowpoke dinner.

But midway through my thoughts down the path of pessimistic destruction I think about my family, friends and you guys who read this silly email. Angelic chorus accompany the parting clouds, and a call from above remind me that I’m here on this earth for a purpose beyond myself. The apostle Paul said “To live is Christ, to die is gain” — ie. many still need to hear the good news. I guess I’ll be dragging myself back to the gym. Oh the pain, the pain!

Life is good and it should get better if I work out — and all you plump readers say in unison: “yeah, right!” TGIF people!

“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.” — Rodney Dangerfield

“Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.” — Joan Rivers

“You can crush any woman by suggesting that she’s fat, not even saying the word ‘fat’ but just suggesting she’s fat.” — Caitlin Moran

“Why spend your money on food that does not give you strength? Why pay for food that does you no good? Listen to me, and you will eat what is good. You will enjoy the finest food.” — Isaiah 55:2

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Thanks to Colleen of Washington State

Parting Shots

Thanks to Frank of Modesto, California

Thanks to Tom of Pasadena, CA

Thanks to Boris of Washington, DC

Thanks to Fred of Long Beach, California

Thanks to Drew of Anaheim, CA

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA

Thanks to Agnes of Washington, DC

Thanks to Norm of Encino, CA

Thanks to Colleen of Washington State

I found these:

My good friend (and jokester) Terry and I came up with these.

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