Paraprosdokians

Raoul’s Two Cents: April 23, 2026

My Japanese Friend

If you don’t want to ponder, move on to the Jokes. Today’s article is sublime.

I have a breakfast meeting every Monday morning at a fast food restaurant. It’s supposed to be a business meeting where we exchange referrals but it has evolved to more of an excuse for us to get out of our daily routine and unwind. We’ve known each other for over 15 years. When we solve all the world’s problems we separate to our own lives. Dan was one of us.

Dan was a quiet Japanese-American married to Jan. He and Jan were two peas in a pod — always together for 41 years. Long since retired, they decided to sell purified water, medicinal mushroom patches, and other alternative health supplements. They were walking samples of their ware because both looked very young for their age. They were the sweetest couple you would ever meet. No trace of hostility … always ready to help with beaming generous smiles. They would always share a Japanese treat to go with our coffee. Dan was hard at hearing so he struggled to keep up with our gossip. Jan used to interpret what we were saying until Dan decided to do his Day Trading hobby in another table while Jan mingled with the rest of us.

Dan and I would exchange stock trading tips every time. Thanks to him, I got out of Bitcoin with a good profit before Bitcoin tanked. Dan loved to fish … and I mean deep sea, Tuna fishing. He would go on an overnight boat trip with a group of guys with sophisticated fishing tackles and reel those silver monsters in. A few times, he would share a pound of fresh juicy red tuna strips with me. It was gastronomical heaven for my wife and I. Other times I would get these unexpected phone calls on Wednesdays: “Raoul, are you doing anything for lunch? It’s Taco Wednesday! Tacos only cost a dollar today!” Who could resist an invitation from this thrifty old man?

Dan was in the upstairs bedroom last Wednesday early morning (the same day I was having my colonoscopy) while Jan slept downstairs. He must have been tinkering with his laptop and doing his trading. It seems he got up and tripped on something. Jan woke up at her usual time at 7am and she found Dan mumbling on the floor. There was big gash on the wall where he probably hit his head. The paramedics came and the doctors guessed it was a stroke. Even if they revived him, his senses were already gone. They kept him alive with a machine for his children to say their goodbyes. Sadly, they pulled the plug on Thursday.

What a way to go. What a full life. What a loss for the rest of us. Dan was a believer. He loved the Lord. We prayed the last time we had our Taco lunch just a week before. We prayed for our Monday group. I know he is in a better place. I’m sure you have similar stories about friends and loved ones who died unexpectedly. Life isn’t a bed of roses, huh?

I imagine Dan reading his bucket list in heaven. Did he do all he said he would do? Was that expensive hearing aid worth the little time he enjoyed it? Should he have eaten more of those chocolate bars he avoided? Did he say enough for his family to know how much he loved them? Should he have fixed that squeaky door he promised Jan to fix? Should they have taken that trip to Alaska? Should he have cleaned up the junk collection (a pair for each useless item) instead of leaving them for Jan to clean? He must be glad he prepared that Living Trust and paid for burial expenses.

Last Monday our group listened to Jan as she shared what she was going through. She said they hardly had long conversations … his deafness didn’t help. She talked about the children and the arrangements for the cremation. I’m sure she had a lot more to say but the traffic of a thousand thoughts must have entered the room. Before we dismissed ourselves, we made a pact that none of us would die … at least not before next Monday.

Death brings so many unfinished business to the table. Dan’s passing reminds me of a lot of cleaning, a lot of paperwork and a lot of loving I need to do. What’s your bucket list? Are you prepared to go?

My wife and I just watched the romantic masterpiece — “Pride and Prejudice.” After the movie I smothered my wife with kisses calling her “Mrs. Pascual … Mrs. Pascual … Mrs. Pascual.” (Watch the last scene of the movie if you don’t get it.)

TGIF people!

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Quotes of the Week

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers.” — Demetri Martin

“I don’t mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.” — George Axelrod

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Woody Allen

“Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.” — Groucho Marx

“I’m not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can’t do it.” — Robert Schimmel

“If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?” — George Carlin

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow … but phone calls taper off.” — Johnny Carson

“Having your whole life flash before your eyes as you die is basically the ultimate binge-watch.” — Bridger Winegar

“I have a long-standing friendship with death. When it comes, I will ask her to sit down and relax, then I’ll suggest to her champagne. Because, in fact, I’m a coward.” — Salvador Dalí

“I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.” — Bob Monkhouse

“Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles M. Schulz

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live,and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die.’ Do you believe this?” — John 11:25-26

“For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.” — Philippians 1:21-23

“For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” — Romans 8:38-39

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Andre of South America

A paraprosdokian is a rhetorical device featuring an unexpected, often humorous twist at the end of a sentence, forcing the listener to re-evaluate the beginning.

This isn’t really new but I thought it was still funny.