God it's Friday! It's time for the Joke(s) of the Week!
Greetings workers of the world! As you know, I just re-send the
best jokes I get from from people all over the globe who email
me. Then I add my original drawings to give them a personal touch.
If this is your first time to visit, welcome to a new and hopefully
of New York City and Glen of Coral Springs, Florida
sent the jokes that I thought were funny enough to illustrate.
Of course, there were a few other good ones but they were too
--- shall we say --- "controversial." Mindy of La
Crescenta, CA is credited for our TGIF Words of Wisdom.
were several very good videos. Many I will reserve for next moth.
Dee of Pasadena, CA shared this cool way to fold your T-shirt.
Thanks to Sarah of Los Angeles for a quick Panda video.
Wally of Moreno Valley sent a video of a very creative and
practical joke. Dean of Vancouver, B.C. and Arnold of
Hong Kong simultaneously sent me this stand up comedy of what
goes on inside our stomachs when we mix hard liquor. Lastly, don't
miss this classic comedy routine of Tim Conway which was sent
by Don of Pasadena and which made me end up in tears. To
top it off, here's Mike of New York's joke about a drunk
Irishman on a plane.
From Mindy of
La Crescenta, California
The Irish and
the Mormon on an Airplane
by Mike of New York, NY
A Mormon was seated
next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne,
drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was
promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked
the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust,
"I'd rather be savaged by a dozen whores than let liquor touch
The Irishman then
handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't
know we had a choice."
Oh No!!! Not
Another Long Set of Real Airline Humor!
by Glen of Coral Springs, Florida
All too rarely,
airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
lecture" and "announcements" a bit more entertaining.
You must have seen the first version of this set. Now enjoy the second
set. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Southwest flight 245, (SouthWest has no assigned seating. You just
sit where you want.) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing,
when a flight attendant announced, "People, people! We're not
picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
The flight purser over the PA system: "Weather at our destination
is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed
before we arrive. Thank you, and remember - nobody loves you, or your
money, more than Southwest Airlines!"
From the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior " flight attendant
crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
From a Southwest Airlines cabin crew: "Welcome aboard Southwest
Flight 245 to Tampa! To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab
into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
belt; and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't
be out in public unsupervised."
Remember that safety demo while the plane waits for its turn down the
runway: "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming! Grab the mask, and
pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with
you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling
with more than one small child, pick your favorite!"
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only
4 ways out of this airplane. So, listen up."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event
of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore, and take them
with our compliments."
Heard on a Southwest Airline flight. "Ladies and gentlemen,
if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the
wing. And if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em!"
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all
of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure
it's something we'd like to have."
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
giving us the business, as much as we enjoyed 'taking you for a ride'!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis,
a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please
take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing
like that, sure as heck! everything has shifted."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake
City. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
was quite a bump! And I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell
you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't
the flight attendant's fault. It was the asphalt."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas. On a
particularly windy and bumpy day, during the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo!
Please remain in your seats, with your seat belts fastened, while the
Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate."
16. Another flight attendant's comment on a less
than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated, as
Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight, he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard! The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
exited, smiled, and gave them a "Thanks- for-flying-our-airline."
He said that
in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers
in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally
everyone had gotten off, except for a little old lady walking with a
cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching
halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared, and
the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door, and you can
pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we
hope you'll think of US Airways."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking."
Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather
ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful
flight. Now sit back and relax . . .(then the Captain blurted) OH,
Next ... dead silence.
Long silence followed,
and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While
I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup
of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing! You should see
the back of mine."
What was supposed
to be a short vacation for me when I went to Orlando, Florida turned
into a business trip after all. Since my wife, Jackie, was going to
a conference and there were lectures about marketing, I decided to sign
up. And boy, did I learn a thing or two about the characteristics of
seniors, baby boomers and the Health Care industry. I thought it was
perfect timing since I have a few emerging clients whose clientele fall
in that group. I can't wait to sit down with my people and brainstorm
our next marketing campaign.
Florida is hot and
humid. I didn't get to tour as much as I would have wanted but Jackie
and I were able to take a stroll through Downtown Disney. When I was
a kid, I had always dreamed of going here. It's sad that I've outgrown
the excitement but at least I still enjoyed it because I spent the time
with my "honey."
are some of the more interesting comments:
From Ed of Los
Angeles: Thanks so much. What an inspiring video of the Hoyt Father/Son
team. You made my day. Enjoy Florida with Jackie!!
From Sarah of
Los Angeles, CA: Okay. I'm living the first joke, laughed out loud
at the Notre Dame one, was going to have to kill you with the first
video, but you're forgiven because the Father and Son touched my heart
From Hannah of
Monrovia, CA: You should have warned people about the "Jingle
Video". I jumped out of my skin. So it was good to see the next
video about the Father and Son. I cried when I saw them tandem biking.
My husband & I just got a tandem bike--but I thought it doesn't
compare to this father and son's enjoyment of each other.
From Lori of
Pasadena: Hi there, I love the Friday jokes! ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS
IN GERMANY FOR 2 YEARS. I felt as if I were still near home.
of Vancouver, B.C. sent me an email : "Somebody
emailed me this and it sure reminds of your drawings ... it's not yours,
Actually, it IS
my drawing. This is the second time this particular cartoon traveled
through the email jungle and found its way back to me. The first time
this happened, Dading of Washington, D.C. sent it from her circle of
friends. Here's the
link to the original email I sent out back in May 12, 2006. I don't
think the video links on that page work anymore. One of these days I
will put back all the old jokes ... one of these days ... yeah right!
This week I also
want to thank Dean especially because he asked several of his friends
to sign up for Raoul's
TGIF Joke. Welcome to the whole bunch of our Canadian friends!
I hope you guys enjoy the "ride."