3 Priests
sent by Mike of New York, NY

A priest, a Southern Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette .

They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle as lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion an confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.

And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

Empire State Building sent by Don of Pasadena, CA   Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says:

"You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar, but says nothing.

The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in heck that could happen!"

"No, it's true," said the first man, "let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar. He meets the second man, who is astonished.

"You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must've been a one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again, just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the elevator back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully urges his dubious fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!" He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward - rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...his body hits the sidewalk with a loud "splat."

Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head. He says,

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

Some responses from my Lake Tahoe Adventure last week

From RV of Covina, CA - I enjoyed reading your Lake Tahoe blog. It brings back memories when I brought my mom & dad to Tahoe in 1999. My dad loved the place so much that when my brother arrived two weeks later, we drove up to Tahoe again. I'm sure you had a wonderful time with Danny, Edwin and their families. Those are golden moments, including the snow chain malfunction, which you won't get tired of re-telling over and over again.

From Hannah of Monrovia, CA - Thanks for your story about the blizzard. It made our day to see how God protected you guys. Otto remembered your bear story--same result; exciting adventure and no one got hurt; but now you have another marvelous God adventure to share!

From Kathleen of Massachusetts- Just read your mini-blog and let me tell you, you guys are very blessed. I won't say, lucky, I'll say blessed. Those slippery ice/snow scenarios are really dangerous. Glad God sent you the snow plow!

We don't get that much snow where we live, but in blizzards, we don't go out. It's too scary. One time we were retrieving our daughter Mercy from Providence, a 25 minute trip in regular weather. It took us 3 hours to get home, driving on the highway in blinding snow. Blinding. We couldn't see a foot in front of us, and if we pulled over there was a chance of getting plowed in to. Never again.

That stuff is pretty, but it's deadly on the highway and for hikers.

From Cindi of Connecticut - A great story and your family has an everlasting memory. There is nothing like home, especially when home is in So CA!

From Terry os Santa Monica, CA - Wow, what a compelling story about snowy Lake Tahoe and the tire chains!

I remember driving my van up to Mammoth to go skiing in my much younger days and having similar episodes with chains. One time a rear chain came loose and wrapped itself completely around the axle. It took two of us, on our backs in the icy slush, in the dark, without wire cutters, hours to untangle that dang chain. It still seems like yesterday. So I empathize with your plight, and glory in your release.

Welcome home.

From Ding of Vancouver, BC- Wow, brave souls, glad you got home safely ;-) Thanks for the TGIF, as always!

From Maria of San Antonio, CA (the email that my article was based on) - Only nuts and daredevils went to Lake Tahoe last weekend. The lat time we went up to the mountains in spite of the blizzard warning, we got snowed in. We just stayed home and watched our own leaks.

LAKE TAHOE

We had never been to Lake Tahoe. The first time the name registered in my memory was when it was mentioned in the movie "City of Angels." A group of friends planned to go the weekend before the start of school and invited us to go with them. It was only a few days before our departure that we were told it would be snowing. I thought it was going to be bright and sunny.

The last time I faced snow in all its glory was way back in college where the height of snow reached 4 feet in Washington, D.C. My wife and daughters had never seen fresh snow. So we were looking forward to the experience.

Wednesday, the day before departure, there was news that a blizzard was on its way to Lake Tahoe on Friday and was planning to stay the full weekend. We thought that was the end of our trip but one of our groupmates said a blizzard was the perfect time to see fresh snow. "Let's pray for a blizzard!" my friends Danny and Edwin shouted.

(Maria, a good friend of mine, told me later that "only nuts and daredevils went to Lake Tahoe last weekend." She was right. Talk about self awateness! The trip from the Los Angeles area to Lake Tahoe took us an uneventful 8 hours. There was no blizzard in sight.

Friday afternoon, we decided to walk around the outside malls, When we stepped out of our 15-seater van, wet snow started to fall. We wished there was more. We took pictures beside old dirty snow mounds to prove we had at least seen snow. Suddenly, the winds changed and snow flurries began to fall like cotton balls. In minutes, everything was blanketed in a white carpet of snow. It was as if we were inside one of those decorative christmas balls that you shake to produce a winter wonderland. The kids were throwing snowballs at each other. Families were taking turns posing for next year's Christmas cards. It was beautiful. Christmas was over but I found myself singing "Winter Wonderland".

Saturday we headed back. Equipped with snow tire chains, we headed down the mountain amidst the tons of snow that fell from the heavens when we were asleep. We must have gone less than a mile when the tire chains began to flap underneath the car. Apparently, the chain was a size too big and the loose slack of chain pounded the underside of the van. I braced the cold winds and slosh on the road and tightened the chain with a shoestring. It worked well enough until we found a hardwate store where we bought industrial-strength wire. We were about to purchase a $4 wire cutter but the cashier nodded his head and said "This cutter is too small to really cut anything ... what you need is this $9 one." Edwin, our designated driver, looked at me and I knew his thoughts: "this salesman is trying to sell us something we don't really need." But we decided to play safe and bought that expensive piece of equipment. That was the first miracle.

THE ROAD DOWN THE MOUNTAIN

Our tire chains were only on our rear tires. Every few miles I had to get out of the van to tighten the chains. Sometimes it would be the left rear tire. Sometimes it was the right. It was an exercise of creativity, skill and patience. My bare hands tightened those wires so often the smell of iron lingered in my hands the whole trip.

Only vehicles equipped with snow tires and chains were allowed to go down by the traffic police. It was a slow procession through the slush. Inside the van our windows were 50% fogged up. It felt like we were inside a submarine. Despite everything, the pine forest was incredibly beautiful --- postcard perfect. Every now and then I would jump out to adjust the chains. I had amazing patience.

Midway down the mountain, snow slowly turned into rain. Vehicles pulled over and tire chains were removed. We decided to follow suit. I gave a sigh of relief because that meant the end of my ordeal as the tire chain mechanic. However, what was supposed to be an easy task turned into a nightmare because one of the tire chains entangled around the tires. I was forced to lie down under the van, on the dirty slush of snow, in order to get a good vantage of the problem. Edwin and I realized that the only way we could remove the chain was to cut it with that industrial-strength wire cutter we almost didn't buy. If not for that wonderful invention, we would have been dinner for the abominable snowman.

We whistled down the beaten path for a few miles. And then it happend. The wind changed its mind again. And snow flurries took over the raindrops. The roads began to ice and vans started to wobble uncontrollably ... including ours. I could see terror in Edwin's countenance. Prayers to the almighty began to transcend the vehicle. Should we or should we not put on those tire chains again? After a few more slips on the ice it became too dangerous, Edwin pulled over. I got up to face my old friends -- the tire chains. I knew one of them was already damaged. I knew my real torture was just about to begin. I prayed that God would let this cup pass.

Suddenly, a cavalry in the shape of a government issued, tax paid snow plow came charging down the hill ... melting all the sleet of ice that had formed on the surface. I jumped back inside the van and we trailed behind that merciful angel until we reached freedom! Freedom!

It took us another 8 hours to get home but that was okay because we left danger behind us. Later on we found out that the passageway was shut down a few hours after we left.

It was great to get back home. In my quiet moments I asked myself if I regreted going up and facing the blizzard. Are you kidding? Paraphrasing Maria's remark I came up with this poem:

We laugh at blizzard monsters,
'cuz rarely they we see.
We're blind to wintry dangers,
'cuz Nuts and Daredevils ... we be.