by Tom of Pasadena, CA
This issue is dedicated to my favorite
Clayton of TravelingBoy.com
I was devastated to
find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was
soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam,
and we're stoning her in the morning.
Following the tragic death
of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll
struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
Just been to the gym. They've
got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour, as I started to feel
sick. It's great though. It does everything -- KitKats, Mars Bars,
Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot!
by Don of Kelowna, B.C.
An Englishman, a Scotsman,
an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several
Americans (including a southerner, a New Englander, and a Californian),
an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese,
a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan,
a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot,
a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander,
a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uruguayan, a Czech, an Icelander,
a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli,
a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese,
a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a
Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander,
a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander,
a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian,
a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian,
a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman,
a Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a
Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47 Africans,
walk into a fine restaurant....
says the maître d', scrutinizing the group one by one and barring
their entrance, "You can't come in here without a Thai."
by Don of Kelowna, B.C.
A man suffered a serious
heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerks called 911 when
they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the
nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the
surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he
was taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded
with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for
have health insurance?" she asked.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health
The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"
He replied, "No money in the bank."
"Do you have
a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the
He said, "I only have a spinster sister,
and she is a nun."
The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not
spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied,
"Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
by Rodney of Manitoba,
A young couple got
married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately
called her mother.
said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh mama", she replied,
"the honeymoon was wonderful ... so
Suddenly she burst out crying.
mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible
language --- things I'd never heard before!
mean, all these awful four-letter words! You've got to take me home!!
PLEASE MAMA !!!"
Sarah", her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me,
what could be so awful?
WHAT four-letter words?"
don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible
"Oh, Mama ... he used words like:
'DUST, WASH ,
IRON, and COOK'!!!
pick you up in twenty minutes," said her mother.