Ten Things I Know About You

By Raoul Pascual

Raoul’s Two Cents: December 22, 2023

Angel Talk

Do you know why Japan has an aversion towards Christianity? They say it was because the Edo rulers in the 17th century felt threatened by the missionaries. But I had a dream about how it really started. It started with a phone call.

Hello, you’ve reached the Department of Weather Control, Angel Joe here. How may I help you?

Yo Angel Joe! Angel Harry here from the Department of Prayer Requests. Listen, we’ve got 10,375,234 requests for a white Christmas. Do you think you can deliver by the 24th?

Yeah sure, the northern countries should be running on auto-weather control anyway so that shouldn’t be a problem. BTW, we sent a thousand pounds of flurries the other day, did you see that?

Sure did. Nice job. The flurries were exceptionally soft. Lots of people had their tongues out. Lots of selfies taken. Their faith in God is off the charts.

We might have an issue with some people in the equator. A few of the natives have been listening to too many Christmas winter wonderland tunes, and they got jealous and are now praying for snow in their 90 degree climate. They refuse to believe in God unless their demands are met.

Blackmail, huh? Well let’s see … I need to call Angel Bart at the Department of Miracles and see if he thinks it’s time for a big one.

Angel Bart here. Is this you Angel Joe?

Yup! Those Filipinos are at it again. They want snow and mistletoe in Manila. Are they due for a miracle yet? It’s been an ongoing request for several years now.

Lesse now … hold on … my computer’s running slow again … too many reindeer interfering with the signal. OK, here we go … the last snow miracle happened in 1506 AD. And the next one is due on 1721. I guess they’ve got to wait a bit longer.

I just realized, there aren’t any requests for snow in the Middle East. No one’s dreaming of a white Christmas over there. Bing Crosby never made it to the Arab Top 40s. They never believed in Christmas anyway.

Wait! Didn’t Christmas start there?

Yeah, but they rejected it … rejected the whole nativity story. It’s their loss. The stone the builders rejected was the cornerstone and … hold on — I’m getting another call from Angel Harry from the Prayer Team …

… what’s that? Emperor Tokugawa from Japan wants gentle snow flurries? Japan is in the middle of a blizzard right now. Are you asking for a miracle?

Angel Joe, Emperor Tokugawa is at the verge of becoming a believer. His Christian missionary friend, Padre Dominico De Las Angeles the Third, has been sharing the gospel to him for years and the padre says if we can turn that angry blizzard into a gentle flurry, it’ll surely convince Tokugawa that God is real. Christianity will flourish like the rising sun when everybody starts singing Feliz Navidad! You just gotta do this man!

Okay. Okay. I’m on it. Hello, Angel Bart, do I have a green light to send Tokugawa a miracle?

Go ahead. You’ve got my blessings! (wink! wink!) This will be a game-changer!

Okay. Operation Gentle Flurry is on! Weather Machine — on!
Setting’s on full blast!
Three, two … one, let ‘er rip!

Rrrrrrumble! Rrrrrrumble! Brrrrraughhhhh!!! SPLASHHHH!!!!

Look out Joe! Abort! Abort! You hit the wrong switch! Instead of Gentle Flurry, you hit TSUNAMI!!!!!!

And that’s why Japan has one of the fewest Christian Churches in the world.

The End.

And if you believe my story, expect a gentleman wearing tight red leotards delivering my present to you via Reindeer Express. Watch out! He may ask you a few questions about being naughty. Be nice.

TGIF people and Merry Christmas!

Raoul.