Dad

When my Dad came to town my schedule went out the window. He believes these are his last years and he’s come to see his children, grand children and great grandchildren for the last time.

He’s staying with my sister who lives 50 miles away. So I drive through LA traffic and it takes me an hour and a half to get there. If you know me, I have a phobia for traffic so I try to go there after the morning rush and leave right before the evening rush. Like a vampire avoiding direct sunlight, I try to accomplish my tasks with him within the confines of the traffic hours. When I get back home, that’s when I get to do my day job.

For the moment, I am getting all his tech stuff ready before he returns home. I already fixed his iPad and returned his laptop that he couldn’t get to work properly. I helped him with his bank account. I already bought him a walker, earphones, and I plan to load some practical apps.

There was a time long ago when he was my role model. My early fond memories with him was walking to the doctor everyday for over a week to get tetanus shots after a dog had bit me. He would bring me and my bother to the barber shop where I saw him behave differently with “the guys.” He was always driving the family to school, to vacation spots, to family gatherings and special occasions. He wasn’t much of a talker … more of a shrewd businessman. He worked hard, was good in business, dedicated his life to my grandfather’s business at the expense of his own family. He had his faults … to some people he had lots of them and he definitely has enemies. But you know what? He’s still my Dad and I love him.

Dad’s hard of hearing, hard of seeing and hard of walking. At times I catch myself staring at him and wondering if I’m looking at my future self. Will my kids see me any differently? Will they know how much I love them? Will my ears and my eyesight fade as well? I’d like to, but it’s hard to have a meaningful conversation with him now. If I could, I’d like to know how he really feels about facing death and what will happen to him after that. Sadly, he and I do not share the same faith. He has been in my prayers forever. I wish my Dad a lot of things but there is one thing above everything else.

A song from Scott Wesley Brown

I could wish you joy and peace
To last a whole life long,
I could wish you sunshine,
Or a cheerful little song,
Or wish you all the happiness
That this life could bring

But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus,
But I wish you Jesus,
More than anything.

I have a good relationship with my Dad and for that I am thankful. How are you and your Dad? Is he still around? Does he know how you feel about him … good or bad? Whoever your Dad is to you, realize one thing: out of all the possible Dads, God gave him to you. There must have been a reason, don’t you think?

TGIF people!

Joke of the Week

Thanks to Ernie of Fresno, CA for sending this joke.

Video of the Week

Another Flight Steward Gone Viral
Sent by Don of Kelowna, B.C.

66 Year Old Body Builder Receives a Special Present
A tearjerker video. Get out your tissues!

Don’s Puns

From Don’s collection of puns

Parting Shot

Thanks to Art of Sierra Madre, CA  who shared this.

The post Crocodile Dare appeared first on Traveling Archive.

• 9% of Americans have been on vacation without their partner and lied to them about it
• Main reasons are to go with friends, drink more heavily and to have a break from each other
• More than two fifths got found out by their partner; one in five broke up as a result
• One in ten Americans have cheated on their partner whilst on vacation

The study was undertaken by the team behind flight-comparison website www.us.jetcost.com, in which more than 4,100 people over the age of 18 were quizzed about previous vacations. All respondents revealed that they are – or have been – in a relationship during the past five years while they’ve travelled.

Respondents were initially quizzed on things that they do without their partner, and the most common things were found to be ‘going to a club/bar’ (76%), ‘shopping’ (63%) and ‘going to a sports match’ (54%). What’s more, one in 11 (9%) admitted that they have been on vacation without their other half and lied about it, of which 71% were male and 29% were female. The most common reasons were ‘wanting to go with friends’ (38%), ‘to drink more heavily’ (26%) and ‘to have a break from one other’ (14%).

The most common excuses used by those that lied about going on vacation were ‘to stay with family’ (40%), ‘going on a work trip’ (31%) and ‘to visit a friend’ (26%). Of those that lied, more than two fifths (43%) said that they had been found out by their other half, and one in five (20%) of these broke up with their partner as a result.

A further one in ten respondents (10%) said that they had cheated on their partner when on vacation, and shockingly of these, 5% did the deed whilst they were away with them.

Conversely, a number of Americans admitted that they had been on a vacation with their partner without telling other people, with 14% admitting to this feat. On this occasion, 76% of people who did this were women, and the rest men.

The most common people lied to were friends (53%), and the predominant reason was ‘because my friends had asked me to do something at the same time’ (47%).

Commenting on the findings of the study, a spokesperson for www.us.jetcost.com said:

“It’s not healthy to spend 100% of your time with your partner, but there really shouldn’t be any need to go to the extent of lying about going on vacation. They should understand if you want to go away without them, whether it’s with friends or for a bit of a break, and vice versa your friends should understand if you want to go away with your partner.”

2019’s Best Places for Oktoberfest Celebrations & Fun Facts

With Oktoberfest soon to kick off and the average flight from New York to Munich from mid-September to late-October costing $500-$1,000, the personal-finance website WalletHub today released its report on 2019’s Best Places for Oktoberfest Celebrations as well as accompanying videos, along with fun and interesting facts about the event in its Oktoberfest Facts – History, Beer, Food & More infographic. To determine the best cities for partaking in the epic German festival, WalletHub compared the 100 largest cities across 24 key metrics, ranging from share of German population to number of beer gardens per capita to average price for Oktoberfest celebration ticket.

To view the full report and your city’s rank, please visit: https://wallethub.com/edu/best-cities-for-oktoberfest/24327/

Oktoberfest Fun Facts:

• $5,000: Estimated cost for an American to attend Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany.
• 1.98 Million: Gallons of beer consumed during Oktoberfest.
• 510,000+: Number of whole roast chickens eaten, plus 60,000 sausages and 59,000 pork knuckles.
• $1.43 Billion: Oktoberfest’s annual economic impact on Munich.
• $70,120: Median annual income for German-American households ($60,336 for all households).

To view the full infographic, please visit: https://wallethub.com/blog/oktoberfest-facts/24332/

A Letter to British Airlines from Traveling Boy’s Brom Wikstrom

Dear British Airlines,

My wife and I recently returned from a 13-hour flight from Stockholm, transferring in Heathrow and continuing home to Seattle. Flight B049. I seek clarification of issues that have caused us both a great deal of distress and hope that you can help.

I do have an extreme issue regarding our flight re-assignment.  When we made our reservations several months ago we clearly stated that our need for bulkhead seating was a medical necessity as I am a high-level quadriplegic and am 6’4” long. On a flight of this duration I am at risk of developing pressure sores and need to be able to shift my weight frequently to avoid a complication. In bulkhead seating this is not a problem as I can readily move my body forward to relieve the pressure.

Imagine our horror when checking in at Heathrow and being informed that our seats had been switched because someone was willing to pay an upcharge to secure our prearranged seats. We were informed that nothing could be done since the flight was full and overbooked. This was simply not true as the seat beside us and in front of us were unoccupied. With no alternative, I was tightly wedged into the fourth row aisle seat and completely unable to move my body forward, to the side or otherwise adjust my position. About the 7^th hour of our 10 hour flight I began to experience sharp chest pains that did not subside for the remainder of the flight (nor have they abated since after spending all of yesterday at the emergency room with x-rays, ct scans etc.). I may have sustained an attack of pleurisy, something I’ve never experienced. I thought I was having a cardiac arrest and that you might have had a corpse on your hands.

I also sustained a pressure sore on my posterior that will take some weeks to heal. We are angry, perplexed and confused that we were not informed of our impending reassignment and would have gladly paid the up-charge to maintain the seats we so carefully thought we had secured. We observed the people who had our seats and they were not mothers with children nor did they have any other visible need to be there.

I write travel articles for Travelingboy.com and my personal site bromwikstrom.com and seek to give travelers with disabilities insights and advice on how to make their journeys as safe and as memorable as possible. This has been a memorable journey for us for all the wrong reasons. You may inform me of the fine print in your travel contract that allowed you to change our seating assignment without notification.

I do not fault BA for the hour delay in departing Heathrow nor blame BA for the 2-hour delay in recovering our bags in Seattle. Your staff and crew were excellent hosts and exemplify the fine service we have come to expect from BA.

Regrettably, I will no longer be able to recommend British Air to my readers.

Sincerely yours

Brom Wikstrom

11 Endangered Bucket List Destinations (And How to Visit Them Responsibly)

Courtesy of Mariana Zapata, SmarterTravel

Climate change and overtourism make daily headlines now and are stark reminders that some of the most beautiful places in the world are at risk of disappearing. For many travelers, the natural response to this is “last chance tourism,” or a rush to see endangered places while they’re still here. But before writing obituaries for these endangered destinations, consider instead taking actionable steps before and during your trip to keep them from disappearing. Here are 11 at-risk destinations and what you can do to help preserve them.

Great Barrier Reef, Australia

Teeming with biodiversity, beauty, and Finding Nemo references, the Great Barrier Reef is one of the most impressive natural wonders of the world. Sadly, climate change and irresponsible tourism have placed a strain on this natural wonder. About half of the reef is estimated to have died since 2016.

What you can do to help: Switch to reef-safe, oxybenzone-free sun care products.

Where to stay: Lady Elliot Island Eco Resort is secluded, peaceful, and on its way to being 100 percent sustainable by 2020.

Venice, Italy

The unfortunate poster child for overtourism, Venice struggles with pollution, overcrowding, and the mass exodus of its locals. It’s also slowly sinking. Fast and convenient water taxis are often the preferred mode of transportation for tourists in the city, but it’s these same water taxis that contribute to many of the issues facing this historic city. Moto Ondoso, or wake pollution, is an issue distinct to Venice in which waves corrode the city’s structure and put it at risk of sinking.

What you can do to help: Go the scenic route and walk or enjoy a gondola ride instead. 

Where to stay: Formerly a monastery, the 500-year-old Santa Chiara Hotel lets you experience the city like it was before the giant cruise ships came.

Machu Picchu, Peru

Machu Picchu survived the fall of the Inca Empire, but it might not survive tourists. After earning a well-deserved place as one of the New Seven Wonders of the World, the breathtaking archeological site continues to see an extreme surge in tourism. The groups that arrive en masse are not always at their best—leaving trash behind on the Inca Trail and even vandalizing stones. One detrimental behavior that even conscious travelers often engage in is not respecting marked trails. Stepping over the ugly rope seems harmless and gets you a better Instagram picture, but when millions of people do it, the effect is substantial.

What you can do to help: Stay within the marked paths to help preserve this wonderful UNESCO World Heritage Site. Or, consider visiting one of the similar but lesser-known “lost” Inca cities like Choquequirao instead.

Where to stay: An upscale ecological retreat far from the noise of Aguas Calientes and the commercialization of Cuzco, explora Valle Sagrado is committed to responsible tourism across the Sacred Valley and to Machu Picchu itself.

The Florida Everglades

Nicknamed the “River of Grass,” the Florida Everglades is a unique and largely underappreciated ecosystem. Having already lost almost nine of its 11 million acres, the Everglades is officially the most endangered national park in the United States.

What you can do to help: The most eco-friendly way to see the Everglades is a walk through the swamp. (Yes, a walk.) Photographer Clyde Butcher offers guided swamp walks that will have you wading waist-deep in the water. If you’re not ready to get so close to nature, a minimal-impact airboat tour might be your best bet. 

Where to stay: The locally-owned Ivey House is a stone’s throw away from the Everglades’ wilderness

The Amazon

Spanning nine countries, the Amazon rainforest contains unimaginable biodiversity and hundreds of indigenous communities. But massive deforestation in the name of cattle ranching and mining is assailing the “lungs of the world,” threatening not just the Amazon but the health of the planet as a whole.

What you can do to help: When you visit the Amazon, choose a tour company that supports local communities most directly affected by the deforestation. Gondwana Ecotours, for example, works with indigenous communities to help them preserve their autonomy and customs. It also offers a carbon offset program for your flight to Ecuador.

Where to stay: Enjoy comfort in the heart of the jungle at Kapawi Ecolodge. 

Antarctica

Though one of the most remote places on earth, Antarctica is on the front lines of the effects of climate change. Ice is melting at an alarming rate, and overfishing of krill threatens the region’s entire food chain.

What you can do to help: You should endeavor to have as little impact as possible when you visit, and one of the best ways to do this is to go cozy rather than big when choosing a cruise ship. Smaller ships have a smaller carbon footprint and produce less waste; they also allow you more time on land, since only 100 people are allowed on shore at any given time. On bigger ships, you’ll have to wait your turn. 

Where to stay: Though you’ll spend most of your nights on board, One Ocean offers on-shore camping options for travelers. They also use their vessels to help conduct scientific research. 

Borneo, Malaysia and Indonesia

While in Borneo, you’ll probably want to take in the beaches, hike Mount Kinabalu, and trek through the forest. In the past 30 years, the Bornean forest has been reduced by a third due to legal and illegal logging and palm oil plantations. The good news is that this is one example where visiting this endangered natural habitat can actually help the situation.

What you can do to help: Activists argue that spending money on park fees and sustainable tours will convince the government that preserving the forest is good for business, prompting leadership to support conservation efforts rather than the exploitation of the forest. 

Where to stay: Borneo Rainforest Lodge provides a five-star eco experience right in the middle of the rainforest. 

Big Sur, California

The extreme and somewhat unforgiving geographical conditions of Big Sur are also what makes it so breathtaking. The area has always been prone to heavy rainfall and landslides, but as climate change worsens, so do these natural catastrophes. To the dismay of lovers of dramatic landscapes and bohemian history, the scenic drive through Big Sur might not be possible in the future.

What you can do to help: Rent a hybrid or electric car for your road trip. The impact might seem miniscule, but if every one of the five million annual visitors who pass through Big Sur did this, it’d be anything but. 

Where to stay: Get scenic ocean and mountain views at the locally owned Post Ranch Inn.

The Alps

Global warming strikes yet again, and this time the victims are the iconic ice caps of the Alps. With rising temperatures, ice throughout this European mountain range is melting. Since many towns around the Alps depend economically on winter sport tourism, they are resorting to covering the snow with blankets and overusing snowmaking machines. The problem is that these machines contribute to global warming, and trap the towns in a vicious cycle of trying to preserve their livelihood in a way that contributes to its destruction.

What you can do to help: Enjoy the beauty of the Alps in summer. You’ll get lower prices and also help tip the balance towards activities that don’t depend on manmade snow.

Where to stay: The Austrian town of Werfenweng is leading efforts toward sustainable tourism in the Alps with carbon-neutral vacation offerings. Stay at Hochhausl Pension to support these efforts; the views aren’t too bad either.

The Great Wall of China

One of ancient humanity’s greatest accomplishments is endangered, in part, because people won’t stop tearing it apart. Whether to build other structures or to sell bits and pieces as souvenirs, locals are stealing parts of the wall and tourists are more than happy to buy them. The situation is so dire that almost a third of the wall built during the Ming Dynasty is gone.

What you can do to help: This one’s pretty obvious. Don’t buy parts of the wall.

Where to stay: Stay at Brickyard Retreat at Mutianyu Great Wall to escape being rushed through the most frequented parts of the wall. 

The Galapagos

If you visit the Galapagos today, you’ll still be able to see around 95 percent of the species Charles Darwin saw. However, scientists warn that if tourism continues to grow at its current rate, that might not be the case for long.

What you can do to help: Besides practicing common sustainable tourism practices like not feeding wild animals and staying within marked paths, you can also watch what you eat while traveling around the Galapagos. Overfishing and illegal fishing are endangering species like sea cucumbers, lobsters, and sharks. Avoid eating these and try to find restaurants that buy from artisanal fishers. If you’re really craving lobster, the WWF recommends buying it live rather than going for the tail. Doing this can increase the price, which raises profits and lowers demands on fishermen. 

Where to stay: Many people travel through the Galapagos on boat, but land travel is a great way to interact with the local community. Stay at locally owned Galapagos Eco Friendly for a relaxed, no-frills experience.

The Middle Seat Is About to Get Wider on Some Planes

(CNN) — It is a truth universally acknowledged that middle seats on airplanes are the worst.Being awkwardly sandwiched in between two people while fighting for elbow room is the bane of most passengers. Now a new design might actually make people want the middle seat — or at least make the travel experience less miserable. The S1 design from the Colorado-based startup, Molon Labe Seating, features three economy seats in a staggered layout, putting the middle seat slightly behind the aisle and window seats, and at a slightly lower height.

Sitting directly adjacent to two people means that passengers only have so much shoulder room. But moving the middle seat back a few inches allows for more space, so the company made the middle seat about three to five inches wider than the standard 18 inch seat.

“That little bit of stagger means that every single person gets to spread out a little more,” Hank Scott, the founder and CEO of Molon Labe Seating, told CNN.

Passengers won’t have to fight over elbow space either. The armrests are also built so that they are not a uniform height from front to back. They will allow the aisle and window passengers to rest their elbows on the front of the armrest while leaving space at the back, which is lower, for the middle passenger.

“No seats are any smaller, one seat ends up being wider, and we’ve solved the elbow wars,” Scott said.

The seats are intended for shorter, domestic flights, though the company is developing a version for longer flights that include more padding and larger TV screens.

So when can passengers test out these seats for themselves?

The seats were certified by the Federal Aviation Administration last month, and are being manufactured by Primus Aerospace in Colorado. Scott said that he expected they would be available on two airlines by April or May of 2020. Though he could not disclose which airlines would feature the seats, he said one of them is based in North America.

It’s not just passengers who will be happier with the new arrangement, Scott said. The seats are lighter than standard airline seats, which could help cut down on fuel costs.

“For an airline, it’s kind of a no-brainer,” he said.

The S1 seats won’t fix everything about flying — the seats don’t recline or offer any more legroom. And that’s not to mention the food, the chatty passengers, the inefficient boarding and de-boarding processes … and the list goes on.

“It’s still going to suck,” Scott said. “Now it’s going to suck less.”

The post Americans on Vacation, An Open Letter appeared first on Traveling Archive.

Most young people don’t understand what they’re getting themselves into when they start thinking about starting a family. We have to have licenses for all sorts of things like, driving, teaching, hunting, fishing, doctor, and dentistry. When it comes to driving a car, you need to have 200 hours of driving school and you have be pass a written test in order to drive.

There are no such requirements for becoming a parent. I’m seriously thinking about creating a brochure with some tips. Like; poop comes in 39 colors, you must feed a baby every 4 hours hour’s (whether you like it or not). They are going to spit up and throw up all over you, you’re going to have to run the wash every day. Intimacy as you know it will almost stop completely. Once they start crawling they will get into places you never dreamt they would. And then, there’s all the trips to the Pediatrician (who needs a license).

When they get to be about two years old, they will go to day care. You’ll have to drive them there and pick them up and it costs a lot of money. Then there’s grammar school, middle school, high school and college. The cost of all these things almost always requires a second income. For the women, that means you get to do the lion’s share of everything, because you can.

About the time they get to be 18 or so, you’ll wish they’d come home and tell you they’ve found a job (out of town) that comes with room and board! YOU WILL HELP THEM PACK IMMEDIATELY AND DRIVE THEM THERE IF NECESSARY! There will be days where you’ll want to scratch your name off their birth certificates too. Be ready.

So maybe you should go baby sit for someone else’s kids for about 3 days, to make sure what you considering is the right thing to do. Or you could do the egg test. You take an egg and it’s your baby. You must sit down with your egg every four hours for 20 minute feedings, and you cannot leave your egg alone, you must have someone baby sit it should you leave. And if you drop your egg, you have killed your baby.

Every one I’ve ever ask to try this experiment has decided against being a parent at that time, generally within a few hours. If you ask a 12 year old boy or girl if they’re ready to be a parent, the boy will say absolutely not, but the girl will say of course. No one is ready to be a parent at 12! Your body is not even finished growing.

If you’re lucky you’ll find someone who brings something into a relationship that you admire. Someone who finished school, has a job, has respect for others, admires you and has similar values. Don’t be in a hurry to have children. Enjoy each other and don’t get into debt. Have lots of fun together before you start a family. Your children will be the big winners if you wait.

The post To Be Or Not To Be – A Parent appeared first on Traveling Archive.

Unless and until you have experienced the act of being raped, you cannot possibly understand the magnitude of how it can affect the rest of a woman’s life.

To follow is the Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of rape: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. It is considered an outrageous violation to a woman.

Hypothetical situation #1.
A husband and wife are asleep and two men break in and tie up the husband and both men raped the wife. In six months, which of them will be suffering the most because of this situation?

Hypothetical situation #2.
A husband and wife are asleep and two men break in and tie up the wife and both men rape the husband. In six months, which of them will be suffering the most because of this situation?

If my husband and I were the victims in both scenarios, it would be my husband who would continue to suffer the consequences of this horrific situation for the rest of his life. It is possible that it would most likely destroy our marriage because of this incident. Even though I did not invite, create, provoke or contribute to this heinous and violent crime.

My perception of this assault to my body is as follows: This was an act of violence committed against me that involves a part of my body that is most private, that I reserve only for my life partner and no other. And in both cases, this situation came to us. We did not seek it out, we did not desire it. It invaded our lives and made both of us victims forever.

The incident would most likely be reported to the Police if the rape occurred with the wife, but may not be reported to the Police in the case of the husband being raped. The reason for this is shame. Something you did not invite, nor want has created shame and a stigma that may never resolve itself for either victim. And if the perpetrators were prosecuted the female victim would be violated again at trial because it is generally thought that women bring this sort of incident on themselves.

Monogamy is a gift to marriage that both partners give each other. In the case of rape to the wife, it is possible that the marriage would completely fall apart because of the incident. Something violent, unwanted and undesired has crept into your lives and will color your lives forever.

Women are about 4 times more likely to report rape than men. However, only about 40% of women report verses 10% of men. And in the case of affairs, men have a significant difficulty when their wives have been penetrated by someone else, but don’t really get too upset about the emotional component in the affair. Women don’t, of course, like it when their husbands have sexual affairs, but they are significantly more concerned about the emotional connection that their husbands have with the other woman than the sexual component.

If we extrapolate to the case of rape, women are less likely to see their husbands differently in the second scenario than their husbands are to see them in the first scenario. However, the difficulty of not being able to protect the other person ways more heavily on men based on how the genders are socialized.

When does the victim become victorious? By forgiving yourself for something that was completely out of your control and deciding to move forward.

The post Rape and Its Consequences appeared first on Traveling Archive.

I do not know if someone taught me about not having expectations or if I just evolved.  But I know this for sure, you are almost guaranteed to be disappointed anytime you are expecting a certain outcome or something to happen to benefit you from someone else.  But if you expect nothing, you may be pleasantly surprised occasionally.

Giving other people the latitude to do or not do something for you is always best.  Some things are completely out of our control so hoping, praying or expecting something for your birthday or some other occasion will fail nine out of ten times.  If you want something, you have the option of making that happen yourself.  I call that a Un-Birthday present.  Remember, there are a total of 364 of them each year.  On your mark, get set, GO!

Personally, I love picking up a gift for someone for no reason at all.  Just the fact that I saw something that made me think fondly of them is fun for me.  Also, there are times when your budget just doesn’t allow us to even buy something we really need for ourselves, or for someone else’s special day.

A note is something that is affordable and most people hang on to them just because of the sentiments inside and the special thoughts we include in them.  I have been sending notes and cards to friends all of my life.  I really never thought much about that until I lost my husband and son.  The cards and notes I received meant so much to me and I will cherish them always.

I have a special box that has cards that I have received from family members and friends that have been gone for decades and I enjoy re-reading them occasionally.  They are like little gifts to me.  Recognizing the handwriting of someone you have loved and lost is so endearing to me.

I think in the end, it comes down to a little box that holds the mementos that have the greatest meaning for all of us and can transport us back in time where we can savor a memory that is capable of filling us up.

I also think that the little acts of kindness we do for others are actually gifts we give ourselves.  The joy that something as simple as a phone call brings to you and someone you call, is the gift that keeps on giving, because you can play and re-play that call in your mind as often as needed!

So remember, expect nothing and you may be pleasantly surprised.

The post The Gifts That Keep on Giving appeared first on Traveling Archive.

The Longing

For his face

For his grace

For his scent

For the depth of him

For the breadth of him

For his affection

For his character

For his integrity

For his touch

For time together

For his dreams

For his genius

For his humor

For his hopes

For his nopes

For his pot shots

For his snoring

For bumping into him is the middle of the night

For the decades we spent together

For the times we were shipwrecked together

To there and back together

The post The Longing appeared first on Traveling Archive.

All the hopes and feelings you have felt all of your life in regards to love will never stop unless you put on YOUR BRAKES! Your hopes, dreams, thoughts and feelings that you have for your soul mate will continue your entire life. And, if you’re lucky your appreciation and the intimacy you share will not subside, but it will only deepen if you don’t turn off your mojo machine!

It takes energy to stay connected and it is most certainly a choice all of us can make. However, if you carry grudges and are angry (just for anger’s sake) you can sabotage your relationship BIG TIME. All of us have garbage and knowing that carrying it on your back will keep you from connecting with your mate and almost anyone you can name. If you’re IN IT for the long haul because you finally realize that dragging all those DEAD BODIES AROUND just doesn’t work, you’re on the right track!

It’s important to be PRESENT when you come home from work. Turning off the distractions that can interfere with the little time we actually get to spend together is critical. Wearing blinders that keep you focused at home has a huge payoff. Knowing that your mate is actively listening to you is a gift! People want to be heard and understood, but if you’re on the phone, watching or playing something, you aren’t engaged at all… you’re unavailable.

Pretending that its 1945 all over again works wonders. (T.V. wasn’t in all homes yet!!) That means, no T.V. or games, and turning off your phone is wise. Never miss an opportunity to engage with your mate because one of you will die before the other and it’s no fun losing your mate. There will be silence when you try this and that’s okay. But practicing this even one night a week will change your life in ways that you can’t even imagine.

Also, remembering that the first four minutes you spend with ANYONE will dictate the quality of the time you spend together. Making eye contact and smiling with business associates is a good start away from home. Holding your mate in your arms for 30 seconds produces endorphins in your brain and it’s a feeling like no other and you don’t need alcohol or drugs for that.

I am a curious person and I enjoy asking friends and family questions about growing up because that part of our lives is always there for us to tap into. Everyone has a story to tell and all of them are worth talking about and one leads to another. Doing this will tap into your inner child, and your child always wants to come out and play. Remember how it felt when you knocked on the door of a friend’s house and asked, “Can Jane or Jack come out to play?”

It is important to make yourself happy because that’s actually your job, not someone else’s. Waiting for your mate to come home and make you happy is a trap and if it feels like a trap, it is a trap. Everyone needs some time to come in for a landing after working all day particularly if they have a long drive home. That’s why a hug when your partner walks through the door is so important.

“Coming down” from work takes time, and men and women do that differently. A women will begin thinking about what she has to do around the house on her way home and men think about how they’re going to relax. Helping each other make dinner can be a fun thing and that leaves more time for both of you to relax later on.

Finding someone who is your friend first and not becoming intimate too quickly, makes for a stronger relationship in the end. After all, you get out of a thing what you put into it. Couples have to keep falling in love all over again and again. One of the best ways I know how to do that is to sit across the table from your mate and remember what attracted you to one another in the first place! I think it’s worth the time and energy to change up things a little because it may get your mojo working again. Try it, you might like it!

The post Here Comes Valentine’s Day appeared first on Traveling Archive.

Families can be a very powerful thing and sometimes a negative one as well.  But remember this, you do not have to be biologically linked to people for them to become part of your family.  You just have to love them and they become a part of the family forever, if you’re lucky.  Drama of any kind should never be part of a family because it belongs on the stage, not in your home.

When a family doesn’t want to invite non-related people into their lives, or doesn’t want to let its members out of the inner circle to meet others, everyone losses.  Expanding your field of vision is a good thing because, we are more alike than we are different.  For Pete’s sake, our parts are even interchangeable!

Staying connected to others is like tending a garden and it takes work.  You must water, feed, prune and fertilize to keep things growing.  And, sometimes you have to remove one of those things.  But if you do the work, everything blooms and thrives.

I grew up in a three story brownstone and students from all over the country rented little sleeping rooms upstairs while they went to college in Chicago.  For most tenants, it was the first time they were away from home and they were home sick.  They all loved my parents and us kids because we reminded them of home.  There was always room for one more at the table, lots to eat and someone to listen to their hopes, dreams, and fears.  And sometimes to help wipe away their tears.

Damon Runyon invented some amazing characters in his short stories that you came to love because of their “earthiness”.  You might not remember the plot of “Guys and Dolls”, but you’ll never forget its characters like; Sky Masterson, Nathan Detroit, Sorrowful Jones, Marky.  Most of my parent’s friends were a lot like the characters I mentioned and they had stories to tell.

The students I met and the fictional characters I met by reading, have left an indelible impression in my mind. Besides the students that came and went for years, my parents invited many different people into our lives that still live in my memories.   I know this is why I see things in panoramic vision.  I’m grateful that I met all those wonderful people while I was growing up, and by reading throughout my life.  I still smile when I remember all of them decades later.

I think we can all get inspiration from the characters we’ve met in life.  And, reading a good book, or seeing a good movie and taking the time to savor the images conjured up in your mind from these experiences is delicious!  Who could ever forget “To Kill a Mocking Bird” or “Gone with the Wind”?  Both books became blockbusters movies and both of them taught us things to do and things we should never do!   Your life is like a script, and you can change directions anytime you wish.  You don’t even need a magic wand for that!

The post The Super Duper Extended Family appeared first on Traveling Archive.

So much of our lives are based on good fortune.  If you’re fortunate, you have parents who respected and admired each other, whose value system and priorities were similar before their relationship began.  Living on you own or going away to college prior to starting a serious relationship is a great learning experience.   You can learn who you really are by being on your own.  If you know yourself and are self-reliant you bring more to the table. Also, not having unreasonable expectations of each other is a key factor in how you walk down the road of life together and ultimately how the surviving spouse deals with the aftermath of the death of their spouse.

Life has a way of sending you bumps, and how you deal with these challenges can dictate how your life works out.  Not losing a job, not becoming really ill, choosing to be monogamous, not being in a car accident, and not getting divorced are but a few of the bumps you can encounter.

Most couples can never recuperate financially or emotionally from a bad divorce.  And, sometimes parents use their children as weapons against each other with disastrous results that can have long term effects on how well their children’s lives play out.  Shuffling children back and forth between parents is unsettling to say the very least.

Today, our lives are moving at Mach speed and we are not designed to thrive in that sort of environment.  There are so many things that distract us from what should be our priorities.  You must keep falling in love all over again with your spouse or significant other, again and again.  The only way I know how to achieve that is to slow down and look into the eyes of your spouse every chance you get and reaffirm your commitment to each other.

Remembering the reasons you fell in love, the joy you felt when you first met and how you couldn’t wait to see or touch each other at the beginning and end of each day.  Validating one another for the gifts you bring to your relationship is critical.  If you bought a kitten or a puppy, you would be praising it each time it displayed good behavior.  If you did that consistently, you would have a well behaved animal that only gives you unconditional love 24/7 and the same thing is true in people.

If you do not have expectations of others, you cannot possibly be disappointed.  If you pick someone who has good habits, respect themselves and others, says what they mean, and mean what they say, you have a much better chance of living happily ever after just like in the fairy tales we read as children.

I love happy endings, and we are all writing the scripts of our lives.  If you’re not happy, go into re-write mode.

The post Love Is the Answer appeared first on Traveling Archive.

As I come to the end of this year, I must take stock of what the year brought me and what it took away.  On March 17^th I lost my 57 year old son Happy in a car horrific accident and then on Nov. 11^th I lost my beloved 49 year old son-in-law Danne. Dying at such a young age just does not compute and if you suffer a loss like this, it is reconciliation that helps you to work through your grief and I am trying to do that this the best way I can.

Growing up I was always taught that “Life is for the living, and we all take a turn at dying, that we are all terminal, we just don’t know our expiration date”.  Understanding these things has helped me to accept these losses the best way I can.

Such kind and loving men who loved all the people they had befriended all of their lives, who were “There” when needed.  Both of them gave tirelessly to others with endless energy to friends who needed help.  My son Happy did not have children, but Danne has twin boys 26 year old who are dealing with the loss of a father by supporting each other and their mother Petty the best way they can.

Grief is like your own personal storm and something like a kaleidoscope.  Some days it’s a hurricane and other days the sun seems to appear if only for a brief moment.  It’s almost like grief has a life of its own.  It ebbs and flows, in and out, up and down, and all the while you are trying to navigate those choppy waters and keep your balance at the same time.

For me, choosing to celebrate the life of a loved one and remembering all the wonderful memories you shared together is how I cope.  When my husband died eight years ago on a Sunday, I went to work on Monday.  One of my friends asked me how I could go to work the day after he died.  I said, “How can you ask me to defend how I’m coping, being at work is my normal”.  I cried the whole day long but no one came in the showroom that day.  You have to do what is “Normal” to you.  And, if that’s square dancing, then that’s what you should be doing!  Unless and until you suffer a similar loss, you won’t understand what someone goes through in the grief process.

Just because you’re not crying, doesn’t mean you’re not grieving.  Unless the words come out your mouth, no one knows what you’re going through.  That’s why talking and writing about your loss is so important.  I still write my husband and dream of him frequently.  I end each letter I write by saying, “I’ll see you in my dreams”.  And… I do.

The post Reconciliation appeared first on Traveling Archive.