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Rape and Its Consequences

Heather Kobler

Unless and until you have experienced the act of being raped, you cannot possibly understand the magnitude of how it can affect the rest of a woman’s life.


To follow is the Merriam Webster Dictionary definition of rape: unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. It is considered an outrageous violation to a woman.

Hypothetical situation #1.
A husband and wife are asleep and two men break in and tie up the husband and both men raped the wife. In six months, which of them will be suffering the most because of this situation?

Hypothetical situation #2.
A husband and wife are asleep and two men break in and tie up the wife and both men rape the husband. In six months, which of them will be suffering the most because of this situation?

If my husband and I were the victims in both scenarios, it would be my husband who would continue to suffer the consequences of this horrific situation for the rest of his life. It is possible that it would most likely destroy our marriage because of this incident. Even though I did not invite, create, provoke or contribute to this heinous and violent crime.

My perception of this assault to my body is as follows: This was an act of violence committed against me that involves a part of my body that is most private, that I reserve only for my life partner and no other. And in both cases, this situation came to us. We did not seek it out, we did not desire it. It invaded our lives and made both of us victims forever.

The incident would most likely be reported to the Police if the rape occurred with the wife, but may not be reported to the Police in the case of the husband being raped. The reason for this is shame. Something you did not invite, nor want has created shame and a stigma that may never resolve itself for either victim. And if the perpetrators were prosecuted the female victim would be violated again at trial because it is generally thought that women bring this sort of incident on themselves.

Monogamy is a gift to marriage that both partners give each other. In the case of rape to the wife, it is possible that the marriage would completely fall apart because of the incident. Something violent, unwanted and undesired has crept into your lives and will color your lives forever.

Women are about 4 times more likely to report rape than men. However, only about 40% of women report verses 10% of men. And in the case of affairs, men have a significant difficulty when their wives have been penetrated by someone else, but don’t really get too upset about the emotional component in the affair. Women don’t, of course, like it when their husbands have sexual affairs, but they are significantly more concerned about the emotional connection that their husbands have with the other woman than the sexual component.

If we extrapolate to the case of rape, women are less likely to see their husbands differently in the second scenario than their husbands are to see them in the first scenario. However, the difficulty of not being able to protect the other person ways more heavily on men based on how the genders are socialized.

When does the victim become victorious? By forgiving yourself for something that was completely out of your control and deciding to move forward.


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  1. Betty

    June 8, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    You are so brave to talk about such a sensitive topic.

    I’m so glad society is waking up to the hidden epidemic of uncontrolled passions.

    When even Bill Clinton cannot admit to his crime towards Monica, you know that men don’t get it. Welcome to a new era men! Your chauvinistic days are over!


    • Heather Kobler

      June 8, 2018 at 6:08 pm

      I agree with you completely. Men have gotten away with rape for eons! And not only the way men and women look at rape, but the way other women punish the victim over and over again after the event a shame. Thank you for your comment. Heather


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