Home Life Lessons Dear Heather Here Comes Valentine’s Day

Here Comes Valentine’s Day

Heather Kobler

All the hopes and feelings you have felt all of your life in regards to love will never stop unless you put on YOUR BRAKES! Your hopes, dreams, thoughts and feelings that you have for your soul mate will continue your entire life. And, if you’re lucky your appreciation and the intimacy you share will not subside, but it will only deepen if you don’t turn off your mojo machine!

It takes energy to stay connected and it is most certainly a choice all of us can make. However, if you carry grudges and are angry (just for anger’s sake) you can sabotage your relationship BIG TIME. All of us have garbage and knowing that carrying it on your back will keep you from connecting with your mate and almost anyone you can name. If you’re IN IT for the long haul because you finally realize that dragging all those DEAD BODIES AROUND just doesn’t work, you’re on the right track!

It’s important to be PRESENT when you come home from work. Turning off the distractions that can interfere with the little time we actually get to spend together is critical. Wearing blinders that keep you focused at home has a huge payoff. Knowing that your mate is actively listening to you is a gift! People want to be heard and understood, but if you’re on the phone, watching or playing something, you aren’t engaged at all… you’re unavailable.

Pretending that its 1945 all over again works wonders. (T.V. wasn’t in all homes yet!!) That means, no T.V. or games, and turning off your phone is wise. Never miss an opportunity to engage with your mate because one of you will die before the other and it’s no fun losing your mate. There will be silence when you try this and that’s okay. But practicing this even one night a week will change your life in ways that you can’t even imagine.

Also, remembering that the first four minutes you spend with ANYONE will dictate the quality of the time you spend together. Making eye contact and smiling with business associates is a good start away from home. Holding your mate in your arms for 30 seconds produces endorphins in your brain and it’s a feeling like no other and you don’t need alcohol or drugs for that.

I am a curious person and I enjoy asking friends and family questions about growing up because that part of our lives is always there for us to tap into. Everyone has a story to tell and all of them are worth talking about and one leads to another. Doing this will tap into your inner child, and your child always wants to come out and play. Remember how it felt when you knocked on the door of a friend’s house and asked, “Can Jane or Jack come out to play?”

It is important to make yourself happy because that’s actually your job, not someone else’s. Waiting for your mate to come home and make you happy is a trap and if it feels like a trap, it is a trap. Everyone needs some time to come in for a landing after working all day particularly if they have a long drive home. That’s why a hug when your partner walks through the door is so important.

“Coming down” from work takes time, and men and women do that differently. A women will begin thinking about what she has to do around the house on her way home and men think about how they’re going to relax. Helping each other make dinner can be a fun thing and that leaves more time for both of you to relax later on.

Finding someone who is your friend first and not becoming intimate too quickly, makes for a stronger relationship in the end. After all, you get out of a thing what you put into it. Couples have to keep falling in love all over again and again. One of the best ways I know how to do that is to sit across the table from your mate and remember what attracted you to one another in the first place! I think it’s worth the time and energy to change up things a little because it may get your mojo working again. Try it, you might like it!

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One Comment

  1. Betty

    May 27, 2018 at 4:25 am

    Nobody loves me
    Everybody hates me
    I’m gonna eat some worms!

    Big worms
    Little worms
    Ooshy gooshy wooshy worms
    Worms that squirm and squirm!

    I think I’l run to the store now. I checked my pantry and I’ve run out of worms. Is that why nobody loves me?


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