If you can start the day without caffeine, if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles...

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. But, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing...

A Tennessee couple, Jerry and Christa (both bona fide rednecks) had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting Jerry "fixed."

"I can't believe in the Bible!" he exclaimed. "How come?" she asked. "I have doubts!" he retorted.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

The day after his ex-wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, Mr. Frykenberg answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car — both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

Impossibilities: 1) You can’t count your hair...

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.