A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzales. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Rodney Dangerfield told his doctor about all of his ailments, whereupon the doctor said, "I'll tell you what's wrong with you --- YOU'RE CRAZY!"

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building: EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER WANTED – POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A man was in dire straights. Sales were way off and he was about to lose his business. His home was almost in foreclosure. He couldn't pay his bills. He didn't know what to do. In desperation he went to see his priest and seek guidance.

There were four Mexicans in a row boat. They couldn't swim, and all of a sudden the boat sprung a leak and was quickly going under.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

If you can start the day without caffeine, if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles...

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair. But, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing...