Now is not the time to surround yourself with POSITIVE people.

At a sports store — Customer: Do you have jogging shorts?

A drunk man stumbles upstairs into his bedroom, waking his wife. She sits up and sees the man carrying a sheep underneath his arm.

Ole was hitch hiking. When a car pulled to the side of the road, the driver asked Ole to go to the rear of the car and help him check the right rear turn signal blinker light.

A guy was being sold a very cheap suit. "But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm," he complained.

Two friends were out walking their dogs on a hot day when they pass by a bar. The guy says, "Let's go in there for a pint." The gal says, "They won't let us in with our dogs."

The Courthouse Security Officer was showing a group of ninth-graders around. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom.

The attorney tells the accused, " I have some good news and some bad news."

A woman walks into a bar with his dog. "This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?" she asks.

An inventor wrote that: I went to the NZ Patent Office trying to register some of my inventions. I went to the main desk to sign in and the woman at the desk had a form that had to be filled out.