Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

These are actual complaints received by "Thomas Cook Vacations" from dissatisfied customers.

Betty was lying in bed one night. Don was falling asleep but Betty was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting..."

A woman asks a wise teacher: "I have a strong desire to live to eternity. What am I supposed to do?"

Six retired fellows were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyer loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table.

A woman kneels down beside a man who is clutching his heart. Woman: "Is there a doctor in the house?!"

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, she had to take an eye sight test.

1. At a movie theater, which 'arm rest' is yours?

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.