A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up they ask him what happened.

Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Humpty Dumoty said, "When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." Below are very succinct words that have not yet made it to the dictionary.

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

Wife told husband: "After you finish watering the plants, we need to talk about something I saw in your mobile phone..."

I picked up a hitch-hiker. Seemed like a nice guy.

Benjamin listened intently as Rabbi Greenbaum read from the Bible. "May I ask a question?" Ben asked.

Pharmacist to a customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription."

My wife thinks I don't respect her privacy enough.

After a long time I told my hot coworker how I felt.