A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

"Dad are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."

The other day I was thinking of a non-existent color.

You're an extreme redneck when... 1) You let your 14-year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

I snowed last night, so this morning... 8:00 am: I made a snowman.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.

He meant so much to the millions of Americans who fought in World War II, and to those who had waited for them to come home. He was a kid cartoonist for Stars and Stripes, the military newspaper; Mauldin's drawings of his muddy, exhausted, whisker-stubbled infantrymen Willie and Joe were the voice of truth about what it was like on the front lines.