"Dad are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."

A drunk man stumbles upstairs into his bedroom, waking his wife. She sits up and sees the man carrying a sheep underneath his arm.

A doctor told his patient, "There's good news and bad news. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss."

Celibacy can be a choice on life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

A woman was cranky because her husband had been coming home late every night. Today was especially bad because he decided to work late and it was Thanksgiving morning. So she decided to leave a note saying, "I've had enough and left you, don't bother coming after me" and she hid under the bed to watch his reaction.

After more than 40 years of marriage, a woman's husband suddenly died. For several months she sat alone in her house with the shades pulled and the doors locked.

My wife apologized for the first time ever today.

Pharmacist to a customer: "Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription."

My wife thinks I don't respect her privacy enough.

A thief entered a house mid-afternoon. He tied up a woman and at knife-point asked the man to hand over the jewelry and the money.