We have 3 cats and 2 dogs in our home and those animals shed lots and lots of hair. And the hair (especially the soft cottony ones) are so light they go airborne like the Rono virus. Guess who vacuums the dander? My daughter who brought in the 3 cats? No way! My wife who adopted the 2 corgi dogs? Never! It's poor, forsaken, forgotten, unlucky me.

I'm as bored as an Amish electrician.

A man and his wife walks into a dentist's office. The man says to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anaesthetic. I don't have time for the gums to get numb."

Have you heard of Murphy's Law?

The policewoman approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem, Officer?" The policewoman says, "Sir you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

Singapore's Prime Minister, Lee Kuan Yew said: ''There were two options for me: 1) Either I get corrupted and I put my family in the Forbes list of the richest people in the world and leave my people with nothing or...

A pompous linguistics professor was lecturing her class one day.

Benjamin listened intently as Rabbi Greenbaum read from the Bible. "May I ask a question?" Ben asked.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation.

You never appreciate what you have till it's gone.