After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough as they could no longer afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

"Dad are we pyromaniacs?" "Yes, we arson."

The other day I was thinking of a non-existent color.

You're an extreme redneck when... 1) You let your 14-year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

I snowed last night, so this morning... 8:00 am: I made a snowman.

"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?" - Benny Hill

Don't let them take the temperature on your forehead as you enter the supermarket.

There used to be a time when right was right and wrong was wrong. To steal was wrong. To fight for your country was right. To kill a child was wrong. To save a mother was right. Premarital sex was wrong. To come to the country illegally was wrong. Smoking and Coca Cola was right. The cops were good and the criminals were bad. Trust the priests and the teachers because they will protect your child. To be a lawyer and a politician you had to lie … well I guess not all things have changed.

Honey, do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing you?