I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Sorry if you were expecting something funny today. It's not a day for jokes so move on. See you next Friday. Whenever I do this, quite a few of my readers unsubscribe and I respect that. For the rest of you, thanks for sticking with me.

A policeman was interrogating 3 airheads who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first airhead a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

A commercial flight departs from Los Angeles with a Jewish pilot and a Chinese CoPilot.

My wife got stung by a bee on her forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.Then he got back in the car to wait.

"Lexophile" describes those who have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless." An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman...

Always remember you're unique...

It's not how you win or lose...