I'm as bored as an Amish electrician.

Dear God, my prayer for 2021 is a FAT bank account and a THIN body.

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as she asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

If you see a fat man... Who's jolly and cute, wearing a beard and a red flannel suit, and if he is chuckling and laughing away, while flying around in a miniature sleigh with eight tiny reindeer to pull him along...

My wife asked me to stop singing "I'm a Believer" by the Monkees because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

Everyone at the John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined.

This will be short. I need to get back to our movie.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink? A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Some of you may not remember the old-time Jewish comedians: Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman and others. But some of us miss their kind of humor. Not a single swear word in their routines and you don't have to be Jewish to enjoy their jokes.

A woman from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and she yells at the guy in the Rolls, "Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?"