
September 29, 2017 The
Checkup
Somehow my favorite
hangout this past week has been the hospital. First it was my grandson
and now it's me.
I visited my doctor
(let's call him Frankie, last name: Stein as in Dr. Frankie Stein). This
is my first time in years and he and I joke around. He remembers that
I was the one who did not take his profession seriously. Don't get me
wrong, I think there's a lot of good in western medicine. It's just that
people refer to their office as a "practice." Somehow that term
does not exude confidence and the word "Ooops!" comes to mind.
I tell him I don't
really need anything ... that I am there because my wife made me do it.
That doesn't faze him. I'm guessing he's heard that macho story before.
So he asks if I have had a flu shot.
"Nope."
"Do you want one?"
"How much is it?"
"It's covered by your insurance."
"Okay, I'll take one."
"Did you have a rabies shot?"
"Nope."
"Do you want one?"
"How much?"
"It's covered."
"Sure. I'll take two!."
"Sorry, you only need one."
"Shucks!."
He smiles and leaves
the room. His assistant, "Igor," comes in with two needles.
(No kidding, he walks with a limp and is a little hunched at the back).
"Left arm? Right arm? Both? Where do you want the shots?"
Big decision for something
so unnecessary. I volunteer my left for both. I'm fidgeting with my cell
phone the whole time.
"Wow! You didn't even flinch Mashhhtaahhh!" exclaims Igor.
We Macho Men don't
waste energy with mosquito bites like that. I pretend to be bored. I feign
a yawn..
And then I remember
my trip to Nigeria this December and ask if there are any shots I need
for that. Doctor Frankie comes back in and we get into this lively conversation
about 3rd world countries and his old dissertation paper about genetically
altering trees so malaria-borne mosquitoes would be eliminated. He claims
it's so simple but nobody is interested to do anything about it because
of this grand Drug Industry Conspiracy. I almost strangle him into going
into cahoots with me and my Rotary organization to save the planet ---
but he just laughs. I don't think he ever takes me seriously. I wonder
why.
Igor, salivating with pure joy, gives me a third
shot for Nigeria. As I am leaving Doctor Frankie (my potential business
partner) is laughing. I wonder why.
By night time my left
arm, the one that took all those shots, is burning and I can't even lift
it. I imagine a million anti-malaria agents are in mortal combat with my white
blood cells. I imagine Dr. Frankie all excited in his living room shouting
--- "It's alive! It's alive!" I endure the paralysis and debilitating
pain for several days. Now I know why my evil doctor was laughing.
Are you planning to
have a check up? Take my advice ---just don't!
Remember, it's just a "practice!"
TGIF people!
Every
time you eat or drink, you are either feeding disease or fighting it. --- Anonymous
Answers
of Failed Students Contributed by
Tom of Pasadena, CA
Q1 In which battle
did Napoleon die?

*His
last battle
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

*At
the bottom of the page
Q3 River Ravi flows in which state? *Liquid
Q4 What is the main reason for divorce?

*Marriage
Q5 What is the main reason for failure? *Exams
Q6 What can you never eat for breakfast?

*Lunch
& dinner
Q7 What looks like
half an apple? *The other half
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? *Wet
Q9 How can a man go eight days without sleeping?

*No
problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

*A
one hand elephant to find --- you never will.
Q11 If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? *Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it
take four men to build it? *No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking
it?

*Any
way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.
It's
Karma Contributed by
Lois of Whittier, CA
This is a funny
anecdote that really happened to Lois.
A long time ago, an
acquaintance of mine said she hated redheads. So what happened? She
had four kids, all redheads. It's
Karma.
One of my pet peeves
is when women's bra straps are showing. When I see this, I say "Tsk,
tsk, tsk. That looks indecent." Well, two days ago I renewed
my driver's license. When I saw the photo that will go on the license,
I was shocked to see --- you guessed it --- my bra straps are showing.

So for the next five
years, I'll be staring at that photo with me looking "indecent."
It's Karma, I tell you. Besides the bra straps, is it a good photo, you
ask. it's an awful photo, but that's no surprise. Driver's License photos
are supposed to be awful.
TGIF Videos

Used
Car Shopping in Kenya Sent by Chuck of Whittier, CA
Buying a second
hand car is a little different here. Add a part here and a part
there and VOILA! you got yourself a car!
|

Chinese
Cement Pump Sent by Don of Kelowna, B.C.
You know what
cement pumps are, right? They're expensive machines used for sucking
in cement from the ground to the higher floors in construction work.
Look how the skilled Chinese do it with little money. Totally efficient.
|

Mercedes
Assembly Plant Sent by Tom of Pasadena, CA
Who needs human
employees when you've got these babies? When it comes to repetitious
work, nothing beats machines. Are you feeling insecure about your
job right now? Yeah, me too.
|
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Comments
Anonymous
Fri, 09/29/2017 - 18:32
Permalink
Not Kenya but Australia
Hi Raoul,
I know you probably get hundreds of submissions for the video links you post at the end of your mail out each week.
You probably don't get time to check the authenticity on them all, or maybe you create the headings for each video yourself.
I just watched the 'Used car shopping in Kenya' and was a little bewildered to find out that your Kenyans were the quite popular Aussie Bush Mechanics....you tube it, you'll enjoy it.
P.S. What led you to think they were in Kenya?
Cheers,
Erin from Australia
Anonymous
Fri, 09/29/2017 - 18:34
Permalink
Great! Prepaired me
Great! Prepaired me for a visit to the Doctor my wife scheduled for me.
Shows they care. You did great characters for what I sent you.
Wife and I are celebrating our 60th Anniversary.
The Nuptual Blessing Is still working.
Thanks
Tom
Anonymous
Fri, 09/29/2017 - 18:35
Permalink
Funniest
This is one of your funniest Friday mailings.
Thanks for the laugh. And do get your flu shot every year.
Doug, Alhambra CA
Anonymous
Fri, 09/29/2017 - 18:36
Permalink
Orange
Raoul - Question:
Are two Apples
Equal to One Pear?
Huh!!?? OR is that a Pair of Apples? Or maybe a Pair of Pairs which would then be Four Pears.
Knock Knock!!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't ring the door bell?
Chuck