Tips from the Redneck Book of Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

Yellow, Pink and Green

Mujibar was trying to get a job.
The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar! You have passed all the tests, except one. It is a simple test of your English language skills."

Second Opinion

I believe Rodney Dangerfield was one of the funniest guys ever. He liked to tell about his visit to his doctor for a check-up because he wasn't feeling well.

What's Your Name?

A burglar breaks into a couple's bedroom. The startled husband and wife wake up and the burglar says: "Too bad! Now that you have seen my face, I have to kill you!"

Lawyer vs Cop

An egotistic lawyer runs a Stop sign and gets pulled over by an elderly Scottish policeman. The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a LAWYER from the big city and is better educated, better bred and well just BETTER than any elderly cop.

Vengeance

Noah Part 2

In the year 2017, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in America and said:

A Delicate Corporate Matter

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman's office one at a time until only Bob, the most junior member, was left sitting outside.

Get To Heaven

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven

Silence Your Phones

In our local church, before the 9:00 am mass, the moderator spoke through the microphone:

Sixty Going on Seventy

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need are two HEARTS and a DIAMOND."

Changes in Life

I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life..."

Birthday Celebration

Denny’s has a slogan: “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.”

Famous Composer Movie

Steven Spielberg contacted Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger and asked if they would appear in a huge film he was planning about famous composers.

Why God Made Moms

The following answers were given by second graders. Moms, this one's for you!

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