TGIF
Quickie Contributed by Don of Kelowna, B.C.
A fitting
welcome to the new year.

Better
to Take a Taxi Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, California
Friends,
I would like to share
a personal experience about drinking and driving.

As you know, some
of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to
time, often on the way home after a "social session" with family
or friends.
Well, two days ago,
this happened to me: I was out for an evening with friends and had more
than several scotches followed by a couple of bottles of rather nice red
wine and vodka shots. Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to
know I was way over the limit.

That's when I did
something I've never done before -- I took a taxi home!! Sure
enough, on the way there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi
they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise
to me, because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't know where
I got it, and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with
it. So, anyway, if you want to borrow it give me a call.

Grandma
Witness Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, California
Lawyers should never
ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her
and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why,
yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy,
and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie,
you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs.
You think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know
you.'
The lawyer was stunned.
Not knowing what else
to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know
the defense attorney?'

She again replied,
'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too.
He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.
He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of
the worst in the entire state.
Not to mention
he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife.
Yes, I know
him.'
The defense attorney
nearly died.
The judge asked both
counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If
either of
you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric
chair.'

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