False Teeth

INSPIRING NIGERIA

    I'm sitting on the lid of a motel toilet in the middle of a Nigerian town. My roommate is sleeping in and I do not want to disturb him. There is no internet connection. We get about 5 blackouts everyday. There are only 4 channels on the TV: you have a choice of Soccer or TV novela dramas --- TeleMundo, Bollywood or (the local favorite) African Magic. I'm getting TV withdrawal symptoms. Conversing with John, my teaching partner is my only form of entertainment because we can't wander in the streets because of potential kidnapping ... and yes, we have 3 heavily armed security cars follow us when we travel. I'm actually more afraid of them than the people in the streets.

    Nigerians love regal fanfare. On our first day, dressed in formal attire, we met at the executive board room of the Vice Chancellor of the University for a formal welcome. Then we were brought to this huge thousand-seat auditorium where they had a drum and dance presentation. I was pulled out to do my awkward John Travolta moves brandishing some fluffy warrior stick which I used like a sword. The mandatory flowery speeches followed. But "what the heck was I doing here?" was all I could think of. The actual teaching started about 2 hours past the printed agenda. "TIA" is apopular expression here --- "This Is Africa."

    We taught the college kids concepts about starting a business. (I will be posting pictures and articles about this in Travelingboy.com if and when I get internet access.) I was shocked after dismissal because I was "mobbed" by fans who wanted to shake my hands and take pictures with me. One of the teachers had to establish order. On the 2nd day, I went around and checked in on clumps of teams brainstorming on their business concepts and I was very impressed. There were the usual beauty shops and crafts but there were also some very sophisticated ideas like public transportation systems, Facebook boutiques ... I think there was even a purified water system idea.

    Even in a place of abject poverty, social heroes do emerge. What am I doing here? I came here to inspire but instead... they inspired me! TGIF people! Wish you were here ... instead of me! Not!!!

Wisdom from Rodney of Manitoba, B.C.

False Teeth
Contributed by Ernie of New York

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when she arrived and sat down at the head table, she suddenly realized that she had forgotten her false teeth. Turning to the man next to him she said, "I forgot my teeth."

The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," she said.

The man then said, "I have another pair --- try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that she ate her meal and gave her speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped her.

"I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "I'm not a dentist --- I'm an undertaker!"

Different Hymns for Different Folks
Contributed by Kristin of Pasadena, CA

The Dentist's Hymn.............Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn..........There Shall Be Showers of Blessing
The Contractor's Hymn..........The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn..............Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn..............There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn..........Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn.........Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn...........I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn..............Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn.........Send the Light
The Shopper's Hymn.............Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn.........I've Got A Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Pilot's Hymn...............I'll Fly Away
The Paramedic's Hymn...........Revive Us Again
The Judge's Hymn...............Almost Persuaded
The Psychiatrist's Hymn........Just a Little Talk With Jesus
The Architect's Hymn...........How Firm A Foundation
The Credit Card Telemarketer's Hymn.....A Charge To Keep I Have
The Zookeeper's Hymn...........All Creatures of Our God & King
The Postal Worker's Hymn.......So Send I You
The Waiter's Hymn..............Fill My Cup, Lord
The Gardener's Hymn............Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming
The Lifeguard's Hymn...........Rescue the Perishing
The Criminal's Hymn............Search Me, O God
The Baker's Hymn...............When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder
The Shoe Repairer's Hymn.......It Is Well With My Soul
The Travel Agent's Hymn........Anywhere With Jesus
The Geologist's Hymn...........Rock of Ages
The Hematologist's Hymn........Are You Washed in the Blood?
The Mens' Wear Clerk's Hymn....Blest Be the Tie
The Umpire's Hymn..............I Need No Other Argument
The Librarian's Hymn...........Whispering Hope

Videos of the week:

Christmas Wrapping
Contributor: Charlie of New Jersey

Pretty funny. Just watch.

How to Tie Your Shoes
Contributor: Charlie of New Jersey

All these years I've been tying my shoes the wrong way. I betcha you didn't know this.

Ambassadors of Harmony: 76 Strong Men
Contributor: Peter Paul of South Pasadena

Choral groups don't just stay put in their stands anymore. They run around the stage like ... like ... like 76 strong men! TGIF people!