Atheist in the Woods

Creatures in the Gym

   Ever since I sprained my left ankle playing basketball last March, I have never fully recovered. My back, my knees, my joints ... they all seem to be creaking with rust.

   So I go to the gym to regain some vitality. But I wind up staring at the characters in this athletic world. I look to the weight room and everyone there's strutting their biceps ... even the women have biceps!

   I look up at the stationary bikes ridden by a few "rounder" shapes and they are sweating buckets. (I feel their pain.) I imagine chocolate bars oozing out of their pores. I gaze at the fancy exercise contraptions. Now I know why they're so popular --- they're like toys that you just gotta ride. It's the great deception you fools! You ride it for fun but you are really shedding pounds. What an evil plot!

    Why is our society so obsessed to be muscle bound? For what purpose? For the men to score with the ladies? And the ladies to lord it over their men? I notice that the more skin you put out, the healthier you tend to be. Show off!

    At the pool I see some people flexing their weak limbs in the therapeutic water. Good for them! I've never been to the sauna but I know people share their sweat like brothers ... really really close brothers. Mmmm ... nah! That's not for me!

    My eyes light up when I see the basketball court. Maybe I could shoot a few hoops. But then I see how nimble and how quick the young men are and I retreat to my corner of disgrace.

   Why do these people come to the gym? Don't they know they can exercise just as well at home? Suckers all of them! And then I look at myself in the mirror. "Why, hello --- sucker!"

   What's really sad is, I know I'm going back! TGIF people!
   

Wisdom from Don of Kelowna, B.C.

An Atheist in the Woods
Sent in by Pete of Virginia

An atheist was walking through the woods.

'What majestic trees!'
'What powerful rivers!'
'What beautiful animals!' He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him and reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out:
'Oh my God!'
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident ... now you expect me to help you out of this predicament?'

'Am I to count you as a believer?'

The atheist looked directly into the light and said: 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?'

'Very well', said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from Thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'

Weekend of Cars and a Mafia Boss
A public service announcement

If you like classic cars, the Whittier Area Community Church (WACC) is having a Car Show this Saturday 8am to 3pm. James Bond's car and the Batmobile will be there. On Sunday, former mob boss Michael Franzese will be sharing his story of how he got out of that lifestyle.
Address: 8100 Colima Road, Whittier, CA 90605

Videos of the week:

Defective Vacuum Cleaner
Contributor: Audrey and Charlie of New Jersey

A wife asks hubby to vacuum the house. 15 minutes go by and she hears nothing and he's yelling from the other room: "This dang thing is broken! It won't start!!" Watch the video and discover why she gets angry but laughs as well!

So God Made a Dog
Contributor: Rodney of Manitobo, B.C.

There's more than one reason why God created man's best friend. This video pretty much covers all the reasons why.

Britain's Got Talented Old Men
Contributor: Art of Pasadena, CA

These men are inspiring. To be that age and still dance like that ... there's hope for me after all. Time to go back to the gym!

Israel's Latest War Technology
Contributor: Tom of Pasadena, CA

If you ever doubt that this tiny country would ever have the ability to defend itself, you better watch this video. War victories are determined not only by the size of its trained military but also by its technology. And I believe Israel is way beyond most countries in the Technology Department.

Mount Everest from the Ground Up
Contributor: Tom of Pasadena, CA

Did I tell you? When I went to the Philippines, I hiked 5 kilometers through rocky terrain to get to the crater of Mount Pinatubo --- the volcano whose eruption was so devastating it wiped out whole villages and whose ashes reached all the way to the California coastline. This video reminds me of that tortuous trek. I thought I would die.

The Elephants That Came to Dinner
Contributor: Naomi of North Hollywood, CA

I thought this was a video I shared earlier but it's a more finished version of the same phenomenon of a herd of elephants doing their annual "pilgrimage" through man's domain. TGIF People!