Why
We Love Kids Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA
A little
girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the boys?"
Her mother
replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little
girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find
a smooth one, can I play with him?"

* * * * *
One day
the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised
her hand and said, "I think he said:
'Holy Tamale! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach
for the next 10 minutes.
* * * * *

A small boy is sent
to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty.
Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had
your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY.
Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you
NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT?!?!"

"When you
come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
* * * * * *
A kindergarten pupil
told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered
the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy,

"I leaned
over and went 'Pssst!'" and it didn't move."
Job
Interview Contributed by Naomi of North Hollywood WARNING: Language may be a little crude for some.
A guy
goes into the U.S. Postal Service to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes,
caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"OK, have
you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes,"
he says, "I was in Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says,
"That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment."
Then he asks, "Are
you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes.
A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces
and then says, "Disabled in your country's service! Well, that
qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay. Looking at the regulations you
have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours
are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan
on starting at 10:00 AM every day."
The guy is puzzled
and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 AM to 4:00 PM , why
do you want me to wait until 10:00 AM?"
"This is a
government job," the interviewer says. "For the first
two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that."
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