Beware of Marines


I used to pass this humongous Fitness Gym and laugh at the suckers who paid good money to become a member. Imagine paying for something that you can get from nature for free? Rather than go up and down the stairs, you pay to ride some mecahnical contraption that simulates a stair. Rather than climb up a tree, you pay to use a horizontal pole for pull ups. Rather than swim in the ocean, you pay to dive into a swimming pool. Rather than play a pick up game of basketball in the park, you pay to play with other suckers who paid to play with you..

But tonight everything changed. The Fitness Gym had an open house and it lured me in. A young man toured me to their facilities. As I observed sweaty men and women on treadmills I pictured early man running after its dinner. O the glory days of the life of the free. But times have changed. Settings have modernized. Do I really want to be part of this culture? Share each others' sweat and body odor? To compare beer bellies and varicose veins? I mean ... really? Is this the modern way to become healthy?

But I realized that it's been years since I used the free stuff from nature. The intention was always there but I never carved the time for it. If I pay for this I'll hate myself if I don't use it.

But the clincher was my family. Rumor has it that they want me to be around a few years longer and my last checkup could have been better. So I bit the bullet. I signed up.

On my way home, I spotted a woman jogging near my neighborhood. Funny, I could have sworn I heard her shout "SUCKER!!!"

Wisdom from Norm of Arcadia, CA
Words of Wisdom

We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

Thanks to this week's winners:
Tom of Pasadena; Don of Kelowna; Mike and Charlie of New York; Debbie of Moreno Valley; Rick of Chino Hills; Norm of Arcadia; Joel of Singapore.


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Beware of Marines
Contributed by Debbie of Moreno Valley, CA

A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters!" The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over the dune where a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis fighters!" Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters!" The enraged Isis commander musters 1000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ... Then silence.

Eventually one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men! it's a trap! There's TWO of them!!!"

True Friendship Among Golfing Buddies
Contributed by Don of Kelowna, B.C and Rick of Chino Hills, CA.

This guy brings his best golf mate home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after golf. His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.

"My bloody hair & makeup are not done, the house is a *$# %* mess, the dishes aren't done. Can't you see I'm still in my *$# %* pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight?! Why the *$# %* did you bring him home unannounced you stupid idiot?!"

"Because he's thinking of getting married."

Videos of the week:
(click on the picture and if it leads to a wrong link, go to the website where I will make the correction)

Quadruplets and their Dad
Contributed by Don of Kewlona, B.C.

Dad laughing babies

Cuteness multiplied by four.

HIstory of Amazing Grace
Contributed by Charlie of New York

Amazing Grace

Did you know that "Amazing Grace" was written by a slave owner named John Newton and that it uses only the black keys of the piano? Wintley Phipps delivers this brief musical history and ends with a powerful rendition of this black spiritual. Amazing!

Epic Commercial
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA

Air New Zealand

Lord of the Rings fans, this commercial is for you.

Flamenco Guitarist and Salvador Dali
Contributed by Joel of Singapore

Manitas de Plata and Salvador Dali

Mix 2 famous Spanish artists and you see an unusual performance. It's an oldie in black and white but it's curiously interesting.

Incredible Sound Impressions
Contributed by Norm of Arcadia, CA

Michael Winslow Impressions

When I watched Police Academy for the first time, I was blown away by sound effects created by this man with only a microphone. I wondered what became of him and was delighted that someone found this video. I've heard of impressionists who do characters but impressionists who do sounds?!? Wow!



That is a funny but real commentary. I could have said the same words! For the longest time, I couldn't understand why my daughter joined the fitness gym when she hardly goes there. Even my son who joined LA Fitness, never really goes on a regular basis.

Then the clincher: I met my gf. I had to get in shape. I joined LA Fitness last April and I have been going every weekday. I lost 20 lbs, and my arthritic knees lost the constant pain! Now I can't imagine NOT going to the gym every morning. I alternate days using the elliptical threadmill and swimming.

I went out on a long trip. So I called up LA Fitness and told them not to charge me. I thought I was paying only $30/mo. that's when I realized I was being billed $40/month! So I said, stop, I will just take brisk walks and use the bench press I have in the house (I still do). When I came back, I [made other arrangements with] the gym.



The best part this TGIF is your lead column. That's good writing and you laugh at yourself. I love it. You might consider offering it to publication in another paper.


I appreciate that. I'll think about your suggestion.

Great commentary. I started when recovering from a broken leg. Now get up and work out in a fitness center at the suggestion of a Physical Therapist so I guess we are both suckers, but I feel and move better!
Suckers Unite!


So when will you publish a video of you working out at the gym?

Seriously, as a gym rat for many years I suggest: have a trainer show you how to correctly set up and use the machines; bring a small notebook and take notes; plan your workouts: I do upper body on even number days and lower body on odd; and take days off.

Don’t bring any valuables or leave them in the car or in a locker. I see a large number of crime reports at the local gyms.

Contact me for more details or when you will be competing in a body building contest.

Tom L

Hey this is terrific advice Tom.

I did wonder about valuables. I'll only bring the necessities. I also realized you need to bring 2 sets of clothes. One for coming in and another for going out. I had to walk to my car on my bare feet and without any underwear. (Yikes!)

Where do you hide your keys? I put it on top of the shower stall. I almost left it in the locker with my bag. Probably not a good idea. So I'm thinking of separating that one key from my car keys and attaching it to a big holder like they do for public rest rooms.

I noticed there was a soap dispenser in the shower. Is that hand soap or shampoo? You would think it would logically be shampoo. I put it in my hair but it sure didn't feel like shampoo.

One last thing. After you shower, do you change up in the shower room or in the locker room? I went dripping wet into the shower room and I realized I was the only one who brought water in there. I'm thinking that the next time I go to the pool I should bring my towel and locker keys. Take my shower. Dry up in the shower stalls. Wrap myself with my towel and head to the lockers.

Today’s Star-News had a story about a man having his $10k watch stolen at Gold’s. He deserved it.

I walk the few blocks to Gold’s in my gym clothes. If tis raining, cold, dark, I still walk.

I always buy gym shorts with pockets and put a hanky and keys in one of the pockets. I’ve had gym shorts with loose pockets that I sewed so the openings were narrower. I am amazed at the folks who leave keys in the open boxes in the gym. Someone could (and I am sure has), grab a key, go out to the parking lot, and steal whatever car beeps when the fob is pressed.

The dispenser is usually a general all body shampoo.

Hi bro!

Thanks for placing me in the winner's circle! Great tribute to our brave Marines as well.

I am glad to hear you are now "fitting in". You will feel the difference!

Have a great weekend!


Thanks Bro. But the thanks should really come from me for sending me your best stuff.

I've been to the gym twice. I'm feeling good already. Maybe I should take a before and after picture.

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