Water in the Carburetor

KID SEASON

A Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Holiday to you. They say it's the time of year when we all become kids again. And it's true. You might not see it in company parties where the office dynamics are still at play. But you should definitely see it in huge family gatherings ---. especially when the parents of grown up kids are present. Suddenly, you enter the Twilight Zone of overgrown kids with purchasing powers, pulling rank with their academic credentials. They pout and they shout and they cry. Observe a family Christmas dinner other than your own and you can still spot the entitled eldest kid, the middle child whose opinion still doesn't matter and the spoiled brat who gets away with everything. Think about it, which one are you?

   I guess we grow up with titles and expectations instilled by the people who raised us. Indeed, parenting is a huge responsibility. It can break 'em or make 'em. Yet there are those who defy lowly expectations.

   Thank God for the inspiration of those who chose to write their own resume and maximized what little talents life handed out. Are you one of them?

"Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master."
--- Mathew 25: 21

Wisdom from Ed of Travelinboy

Water in the Carburetor
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool"

Orchestra Talk
Contributed by Don of Kelowna, BC

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.

Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

EATING TIPS FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON
Contributed by Don of Kelowna, BC

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door where they're serving fudge.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as though you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a ten-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin, mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and eggnog in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!"

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Videos of the week: (click on the picture and if it leads to a wrong link, go to the website where I will make the correction)

Favorite Flight Attendant
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA

Okay, so I shared this before. It's still funny. And if you are traveling by plane this holiday you'll really appreciate this. Like a flash mob scene, I see videos like this all the time but only hope to encounter a live performance.

Flash Mob Montreal
Contributed by Rodney of Manitoba, B.C.

A nice Christmasy flash mob.

Sausage
Contributed by Tom of Pasadena, CA

Have a wonderful holiday. This isn't a new video but it's a good reminder to watch out for the food. You never know where they come from.