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wife

Jewish and Italian Moms

Giuseppe excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, "Just for fun, Mama, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees.

Math Trick

Some people say Jesus wasn't Jewish. Of COURSE he was Jewish! 30 years old, single, lives with his parents ... come on!

The Efficiency Expert

A famous efficiency expert was lecturing to a senior MBA class at Harvard.
He concluded his lecture with a note of caution. He said, "I just want to warn you that you don't want to try these efficiency techniques at home."

More Jewish Humor

A drunk was in front of a judge.
The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."

Redneck Vacation

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob says, "Yaw know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go..."

Missing

A husband goes to police station to file a "missing person" report for his wife.

Husband : I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector : What's her height?
Husband : I never checked.
Inspector : Slim or healthy?

Spoiling the Scotsman's Wife

My good lady and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.
"Did you smell that food?" she said, "it smelt incredible!"

Women Are Unique

Husband:
Honey, a car has hit me near the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head was very strong; fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury

Family Tree

A little girl asked her father,
"How did the human race start?"
The father answered,
"God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."



Not Working

Came home from the golf course today. The wife had left a note on the refrigerator:

"IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my mother."

Answering Machine Message

"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.

The Legend of the Jewish Samurai

Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese, and a Jewish Samurai.

New Study

A new study has found that women with large backsides live longer than men who mention it.

Queenly Advice

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship.

Power Outage

We had an outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down. Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf

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